Who is raising
OUR CHILDREN?
A SCARY EXERCISE
BY RABBI ZE’EV KRAINES
Imagine a couple with young children, finally getting around to writing up a Last
Will and Testament (gulp!). Now imagine the panic they experience when they
are forced to decide which one of these
loving outsiders should be awarded custody of their children, in the event of the
unthinkable. Would granny be too strict
with their ‘out-of-the-box’ daughter
whom she perceives as just spoiled?
Would the uncle’s family in America be
too cold or too permissive? This chilling
scenario is admittedly extreme, but it illustrates that even those closest to us
may have parenting styles and values
very different than our own.
(Circle time at a nursery school near you.)
ALL KIDDING ASIDE, MANY OF US ACTUALLY
have fond memories of the special nannies that are a positive presence in our
lives growing up in South Africa. Looking back, they enhanced the love and
care – and plenty of bedtime stories –
we got from our mothers and fathers.
On the contrary, when handled correctly, the availability of domestic help in
our society can allow parents greater
and deeper hands-on connection with
their children.
The above anecdote is meant merely
to illustrate that many ‘teachers’ are involved in raising our children together
with us. This mentor list is actually quite
long when you stop to think about it.
Our children are enmeshed in a family, a
school, a community, as well as in a
multifaceted ‘global village’. All of these
influences have their part to play, both
positive and otherwise. Part of effective
parenting is giving our children the tools
48 JEWISH LIFE
ISSUE 86
to manage these diverse sources of
values in a healthy way.
SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, in their
classic book: How to Talk So Kids Will
Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, speak
about the importance of encouraging
children to expand their horizons by
seeking resources outside of the h