MYTHBUSTER
BOBBA MAASEH OR GENUINE JUDAISM
No flowers
AT A GRAVE?
A flower represents
the transience of the
body, while a stone
represents the permanence of the soul
A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO, A WIDOWER IN THE UK RAN AFOUL OF
the law for placing too many flowers at his late wife’s
grave. Apparently, placing more than one bouquet at
a time at a graveside is considered a “health hazard” in England, and the elderly man was
warned that all extra bunches would be removed. Of course, this could never have
happened in our community, because, as
we all know, Jews don’t lay flowers on
graves. Many people find it strange
that we place a simple pebble on a
grave. And many wonder if it really is unJewish to substitute that little stone with some
crimson carnations.
As is often the case, you need to uncover
where a custom originated to see if it is Jewish-friendly. Most people believe flowers worked their way into
the funeral service during the Middle Ages. Back then, people
would keep bodies for a few days before burying them, and they
often used flowers to mask the corpse’s odour. Because we bury
our dead at the earliest opportunity, we can safely assume the
Chevrah Kadisha didn’t rely on the masking scent of roses.
In the 18th Century, people began to lay different flowers on
a grave, depending on the age at which a person had died. More
recently, people began to choose specific flowers to represent
traits of the deceased or their feelings towards them. Different
families could afford simpler or more elaborate flower arrangements, so these also became symbols of wealth or status. Jews
avoid highlighting class at a funeral. Everyone is buried in the
grave, or ancient societies used to bury their dead
with flowers. Assuming they did, the Torah forbids
us to emulate the pagan practices of those ancient cultures, which would be reason
enough to skip flowers at funerals.
Then there’s another perspective:
Many cultures take food to their deceased, but Jews would surely balk at
the idea. Placing cut flowers or placing
food at a graveside is not altogether different. The Torah forbids us to waste.
Putting flowers on your Shabbos table is
beautiful; placing them on a grave is wasteful. Souls no longer enjoy physical pleasures,
like fragrant florets. Once the flowers are on the
grave, nobody else may enjoy their scent or beauty, because
Jews may not benefit from items associated with the dead.
So, instead, we place a stone to indicate that we’ve been to
visit. In the old days, each stone also helped keep the grave
clearly marked, so that a Kohen would not inadvertently step
on a grave.
A flower will die soon after you pick it, but a stone will remain
unchanged indefinitely. A flower represents the transience of the
body, while a stone represents the permanence of the soul. You
may still feel that you would like to give your deceased relative
something more meaningful than a stone. Then consider that
souls don’t enjoy the same pleasures they used to when they
lived on Earth. An extra good deed, some Torah study or a donation to a worthy cause would be, for them, the spiritual equivalent of a vibrant flower arrangement. JL
BECAUSE WE BURY OUR DEAD AT THE EARLIEST
OPPORTUNITY, WE CAN SAFELY ASSUME THE CHEVRAH
KADISHA DIDN’T RELY ON THE MASKING SCENT OF ROSES.
same simple shrouds and plain pine coffin. We cover the deceased’s face, to protect the dignity of the poor, who would often appear disfigured by malnutrition. A simple pebble suits the
“great equaliser” Jewish funeral attitude better than keep-upwith-the-Goldbergs floral extravagance.
But, flowers at funerals may date back even further than we
would have thought. Archaeologists in Israel recently discovered
an ancient grave with what appears to be plant remnants inside.
Experts believe either rodents dragged plant matter into that
34 JEWISH LIFE ■ ISSUE 83
Have you got a question for Rabbi Shishler? Email
your ‘bobba maaseh’ to rabbishishler@jewishlife.
co.za and it could be answered in the next issue!
Rabbi Ari Shishler is the rabbi of Chabad
of Strathavon and learning di