Hot Car, New Palz, New York circa 1980 Photo by Barry Epstein
life, etcetera, but there was absolutely no one that was in my circle that I could talk to. My Mom was warm and friendly with frequent bursts of being hysterical but she had no real understanding of what I was going through and my Dad was not really there for me. Also, my Mom and Dad argued frequently in front of me and I really hated listening to it although I am not sure what they argued about. This caused me to be sad and possibly even depressed on several occasions.
So I moved from group to group in high school. There were the“ T’ s”, who were the white tee shirt hoodlum kind. They were dispersed throughout the school primarily in the low level trade courses that everyone had to take. I remember in one auto mechanic class, the teacher who was over six foot tall and named Mr Little, would ask the class if anyone knew how to tell if a head gasket was blown. In a typical New Jersey accent, some of the“ T’ s” blurted out, teeth marks. These guys roamed the halls in gangs and would punch, kick and push people regularly. I did not participate in that activity except in my early years that sometimes I was on the receiving end.
Then there were the jocks and they were mostly the football guys. The brains were the other group that I hung out with as well. So I had a few friends in each group and I was nowhere. But I got to experience each group and what they did. The“ T’ s” would hang out at some dances in their hot cars and drink and it seemed that they were always just looking for a fight with a neighbor town. Going to dances was always fun and usually every Friday night at the school was a dance with a live band. I got to be friends with some of the guys in the band whom I grew up with and that was a fun place to hang. This meant that they had practices at their houses and it meant that I could help them set up and hang with them at the dances. I probably would have gotten in the band if I would of had music lessons. Not everyone seemed to dance back then and it was easy to dance with a girl if you knew how to dance and my sister Linda was previously helpful.
The band guys had the best parties and drinking became popular although I didn’ t really like the taste of beer or spirits. I had to force it down to then get a buzz and then ultimately get a bit drunk. Drinking usually put me to sleep and I really didn’ t like the feeling of being drunk as I equated it to being carsick which I would get if I sat in the back seat. Being carsick made me quiet and I tried to sleep. Drinking sometimes was very pathetic as I would have to listen to some story about how someone didn’ t get along with his parents or someone or didn’ t like someone. It was not fun and really represented the opposite of fun to me. One New Years Eve, I had drank so much that I broke into my friends house near a party that I was at and called for the police to get me and I didn’ t have the address just the persons name. They brought me home and I had the shakes for the entire night. They said it could have been life threatening. To this date, I cannot drink rye spirits because of that night.
BARRY STEVEN EPSTEIN- PhotoAutobiography DRAFT 10 of 156