1. Ask your son to begin making
more of his own decisions. “Where
should we go to eat tonight? What
would be good for us to do on our
vacation? What movie should we
get this Friday? What charities do
you think would be good to
support?”
2. Ask for his input or point of view.
How would you respond in this
situation? How would you discipline
differently? What you do think
about what’s happening at school?
3. Give him an opportunity to
respond correctly. He may not
respond to your giving him more
responsibility appropriately at first.
So give him another opportunity to
get it right. Display empathy rather
than judgment. The way you go
about it is sometimes more
important than the message itself.
Remember, a gentle answer turns
away wrath. How you respond to
him will determine how he will
respond to you. Be slow to speak,
slow to anger, and quick to listen,
gentle, and humble, and give him
another chance to respond correctly.
4. Set clear boundaries. In times of
trouble, don’t move away from your
child, move toward him. Immaturity
demands that you place boundaries
around his inappropriate behavior.
You may be thinking, “Well, you
don’t know my kid and how he
mistreats me.” I admit, I don’t.
However, I do know that if you do
nothing to rein in the bad behavior
you see in your 15-year-old son, it’s
only going to get worse, not better.
5. Help your son learn how to say
“No” by honoring it when he says
“No.” This is another boundary
issue. Honoring his boundaries will
help him learn to honor others’
boundaries.
6. Admit when you are wrong.
Admitting when you are wrong will
help your son understand that
everyone makes mistakes, and
models how to behave when
mistakes happen.
7. Shift control before you think he
is ready for it. Yes, he will blow it,
but he will also learn some valuable
lessons from doing so, but only
when you…..(see number 8).
8. Force him to take responsibility
for his decisions. Don’t say, “I told
you so,” or, “I should have made that
decision instead.” Allow him to
figure out what he should have done
instead, and force him to own up to
the consequences of his choices.
9. Encourage him in his good
decisions. Point your comments
toward his successes, not his
failures.
JASMINE'S PLACE
40
40