Rhode Island
Red Awards
HERE AT REDS HQ , WE ’ VE BEEN STUCK INSIDE ITS PLUSH AND COMMODIOUS CONFINES , scarfing down vats of Ben and Jerry ’ s Cherry Garcia , enlarging our sweatpants and issuing fruitless orders to the cat for nigh on ten months now . It ’ s given us plenty of time to mull over the many deserving recipients of this year ’ s Red Awards dedication ( a particular fave : experts say Rhode Islanders would be useless in a zombie invasion ), so it was a tough call . Finally , though , we realized it could only be the loathsome dumpster fire of a year that we ’ ve all just seen the last of . Hit the road , 2020 , and don ’ t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya .
BY SARAH FRANCIS ☛ ILLUSTRATIONS BY ERICA CAMPANELLA