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air by an adult , and bears text asking parents not to throw their children over the gates , but instead wait for the them to be opened again at 10am or 3pm .
The school ’ s principal told a local paper that parents “ literally threw their children ” over the gate when they had arrived to find it closed . There had been no injuries but she said there had been enough tossed children to inspire school officials to take action and post the warnings as a “ reminder .”
Poo Tales
Top marks to Laurie Pringle of Hamilton , Ontario , who was fed up having packages delivered from Amazon being stolen from her doorstep . She made up a special Christmas gift for the thief , left it in the usual place , and it disappeared within 40 minutes . We hope the person responsible spent a very festive Christmas with his box full of cat poo ...
Two guys in San Angelo , Texas , have started Poo Patrol , a business in which they clean a pet owner ’ s back yard of nasty stuff , then sanitise it and spray a deodorant for $ 25 a time . Their marketing slogan is “ Let us pick up where your dog left off .”
The 27-year-old passenger who bailed out of a suspected stolen car last month has had to be rescued by police in a farmyard . Sussex police were chasing the BMW when the passenger made a run for it across the farm where he fell into a pit and was up to his neck in ... er ... cow poo . The car driver , suspected of drugs offences , made of in a slurry ... er , hurry . Police deny giving themselves a pat on the back ...
I don ’ t believe it
A woman from Moscow has married her briefcase . His name is Gideon . ( Yes , really .)
The 24-year-old nursery school teacher said that she has always been interested in inanimate objects and met Gideon in a shop during 2015 . “ I had no idea that we would end up together ,” she said . “ I admired how he looked , but I didn ’ t think anything more .”
But then it got serious . “ I started liking Gideon for more than that . I slowly realised I was starting to fall in love .” They tied the knot in June .
“ Our spiritual connection and communication is shown telepathically . I hear him , and he hears me , but from the outside it looks like a monologue .”
China ’ s aviation authority has issued new Covid-19 regulations which recommend that flight attendants should wear nappies . It follows news that a woman contracted the virus when flying from Italy to South Korea , and investigators cited a visit to the loo as the possible source .
The thing called Fake News continued its ascendency during 2020 . As the year ended , we heard that Donald Trump has done a deal with aliens to cover up their presence on Earth , that Jeffrey Epstein is “ alive and plotting ,” and that Adolf Hitler had just won an election .
Well , one of these stories is true . Adolf Hitler has indeed celebrated an election victory . He now represents the Ompundja constituency in the Namibian parliament for the centreleft Swapo party and Adolf Hitler Uunona says he has no plans to either change his name or dominate the world .
A psychic who uses asparagus to see into the future ( yes , really ) has predicted that Prince Harry will return the UK in 2021 , unaccompanied by wife Meghan . After throwing asparagus into the air ( yes , that ’ s what she does ), Jemima Packington of Bath in the UK said , “ What we have here , very interesting , is the letter H . We have two spears plus a crossbar here . I don ’ t see any M at all whatsoever .”
The world ’ s only asparamancer is also predicting that asparagus from England ’ s Vale of Evesham asparagus will this year be heralded as the most prized vegetable worldwide . However , the fortune-teller previously foretold that Donald Trump would win a second term as US president but he would again face impeachment and be booted out of office . Just can ’ t trust these green veg , can you ?
Spare a thought for …
... Aubrey from Louisville , Kentucky , who wrote a blistering e-mail to an online bridal company when her wedding gown turned out to be nothing like the one she had ordered on-line . She said she was “ really upset ” to find the outfit was rough and unfinished with a messy white fabric , a dowdy front and strings hanging down at the back . The company , Milly Bridal , replied politely , pointing out that she was wearing the dress inside out . ... Jo Wisbey from Whitstable , Kent , who took to Twitter to rant about the non-delivery of her new garden shed . However , instead of confronting the company she ordered from , she inadvertently tagged Shed Seven , the successful rock band based in York . Band members apologised , “ We ’ re not installing sheds due to us not installing sheds .”
... staff at the Premier Inn in Holyhead last month who found a sheep waiting patiently for a lift . Sidney , as he was then named , had escaped from a nearby field and entered through the automatic electric doors . The sheepish-looking visitor was persuaded to return to his flock .
Spare mixed thoughts for …
… Rudy Giulani , one-time mayor of New York , who has represented Donald Trump in many lawsuits . In November he was pictured with hair dye running down his face during a press conference , but our sympathy for his make-up faux-pas evaporated when he continued to repeat false accusations of fraud and Communist conspiracy related to the US Election .
But don ’ t spare a thought for ...
Kim Kardashian . Just saying ...
And finally ...
As 2020 drew to a close , there was a hint that sanity might be making a comeback . The opening skirmish in the war on “ woke ” was launched last month by two judges in the UK ’ s Court of Appeal who ruled in the case of a
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