Weeks later after coming home and fighting with my family I finally moved out. I moved to DC and started finding JASON. This time was also when THE VELVET ROPE was in high production. I was so anxious for this particular album. I was still on a high from the "janet" album. I didn't really get excited for Design Of a Decade, as I was curious to see her next evolution.
This album would forever change my life.
The day it was released I purchased 30 copies. I was working at SAM GOODY at the time and used my whole check on JANET. In retrospect it was not the wisest thing to do but I loved her mission and life path up to that point. I had listened to it for the most part but never really got into the lyrics like I wanted, as I listened to it at work for the most part.
A few weeks later I had hit an all time low. I had no real friends, My family disowned me, and I felt so unimportant to the world. I felt like I would actually help people by not being alive. I went home after being yelled at by management and laid in bed. For the first time I listened to the lyrics and the real meaning behind The Velvet Rope. I had a bottle of pills and 2 big bottles of moonshine (yes the real kind). I wanted to fade out and just be gone.
Literally the moment I went for the concoction, the song SPECIAL came on. The lyrics hit me pretty damn hard. Even my name and age at the time. It was all about me loving me. I am special, if not to anyone, to MYSELF. I have something to share in this world. I have a heart to heal people. It changed my outlook on how I was seeing things.
Over the years I have dealt with true pain and loss, horrible and great relationships. In the end Janet and I share one thing in common. We are humans, we feel, we love, we hurt, and WE have the power to be GREAT.
To this day Janet continues to inspire me. I myself am not as big as she is but I do have quite a fan base and I STAY humble and remember WE ARE ALL SPECIAL!