CHAPTER VIII 85
CHAPTER VIII
Ere the half-hour ended , five o ' clock struck ; school was dismissed , and all were gone into the refectory to tea . I now ventured to descend : it was deep dusk ; I retired into a corner and sat down on the floor . The spell by which I had been so far supported began to dissolve ; reaction took place , and soon , so overwhelming was the grief that seized me , I sank prostrate with my face to the ground . Now I wept : Helen Burns was not here ; nothing sustained me ; left to myself I abandoned myself , and my tears watered the boards . I had meant to be so good , and to do so much at Lowood : to make so many friends , to earn respect and win affection . Already I had made visible progress : that very morning I had reached the head of my class ; Miss Miller had praised me warmly ; Miss Temple had smiled approbation ; she had promised to teach me drawing , and to let me learn French , if I continued to make similar improvement two months longer : and then I was well received by my fellow-pupils ; treated as an equal by those of my own age , and not molested by any ; now , here I lay again crushed and trodden on ; and could I ever rise more ?
" Never ," I thought ; and ardently I wished to die . While sobbing out this wish in broken accents , some one approached : I started up -- again Helen Burns was near me ; the fading fires just showed her coming up the long , vacant room ; she brought my coffee and bread .
" Come , eat something ," she said ; but I put both away from me , feeling as if a drop or a crumb would have choked me in my present condition . Helen regarded me , probably with surprise : I could not now abate my agitation , though I tried hard ; I continued to weep aloud . She sat down on the ground near me , embraced her knees with her arms , and rested her head upon them ; in that attitude she remained silent as an Indian . I was the first who spoke -
" Helen , why do you stay with a girl whom everybody believes to be a liar ?"
" Everybody , Jane ? Why , there are only eighty people who have heard you called so , and the world contains hundreds of millions ."