CHAPTER XXXVII 560
" No, Jane, you are not comfortable there, because your heart is not with me: it is with this cousin-- this St. John. Oh, till this moment, I thought my little Jane was all mine! I had a belief she loved me even when she left me: that was an atom of sweet in much bitter. Long as we have been parted, hot tears as I have wept over our separation, I never thought that while I was mourning her, she was loving another! But it is useless grieving. Jane, leave me: go and marry Rivers."
" Shake me off, then, sir,-- push me away, for I ' ll not leave you of my own accord."
" Jane, I ever like your tone of voice: it still renews hope, it sounds so truthful. When I hear it, it carries me back a year. I forget that you have formed a new tie. But I am not a fool-- go-- "
" Where must I go, sir?" " Your own way-- with the husband you have chosen." " Who is that?" " You know-- this St. John Rivers."
" He is not my husband, nor ever will be. He does not love me: I do not love him. He loves( as he CAN love, and that is not as you love) a beautiful young lady called Rosamond. He wanted to marry me only because he thought I should make a suitable missionary ' s wife, which she would not have done. He is good and great, but severe; and, for me, cold as an iceberg. He is not like you, sir: I am not happy at his side, nor near him, nor with him. He has no indulgence for me-- no fondness. He sees nothing attractive in me; not even youth-- only a few useful mental points.-- Then I must leave you, sir, to go to him?"
I shuddered involuntarily, and clung instinctively closer to my blind but beloved master. He smiled.