CHAPTER XXXVII 554
green they were ; how the flowers and hedges looked refreshed ; how sparklingly blue was the sky . I sought a seat for him in a hidden and lovely spot , a dry stump of a tree ; nor did I refuse to let him , when seated , place me on his knee . Why should I , when both he and I were happier near than apart ? Pilot lay beside us : all was quiet . He broke out suddenly while clasping me in his arms -
" Cruel , cruel deserter ! Oh , Jane , what did I feel when I discovered you had fled from Thornfield , and when I could nowhere find you ; and , after examining your apartment , ascertained that you had taken no money , nor anything which could serve as an equivalent ! A pearl necklace I had given you lay untouched in its little casket ; your trunks were left corded and locked as they had been prepared for the bridal tour . What could my darling do , I asked , left destitute and penniless ? And what did she do ? Let me hear now ."
Thus urged , I began the narrative of my experience for the last year . I softened considerably what related to the three days of wandering and starvation , because to have told him all would have been to inflict unnecessary pain : the little I did say lacerated his faithful heart deeper than I wished .
I should not have left him thus , he said , without any means of making my way : I should have told him my intention . I should have confided in him : he would never have forced me to be his mistress . Violent as he had seemed in his despair , he , in truth , loved me far too well and too tenderly to constitute himself my tyrant : he would have given me half his fortune , without demanding so much as a kiss in return , rather than I should have flung myself friendless on the wide world . I had endured , he was certain , more than I had confessed to him .
" Well , whatever my sufferings had been , they were very short ," I answered : and then I proceeded to tell him how I had been received at Moor House ; how I had obtained the office of schoolmistress , & c . The accession of fortune , the discovery of my relations , followed in due order . Of course , St . John Rivers ' name came in frequently in the progress of my tale . When I