CHAPTER XXXVII 548
He replied not : he seemed serious -- abstracted ; he sighed ; he half-opened his lips as if to speak : he closed them again . I felt a little embarrassed . Perhaps I had too rashly over-leaped conventionalities ; and he , like St . John , saw impropriety in my inconsiderateness . I had indeed made my proposal from the idea that he wished and would ask me to be his wife : an expectation , not the less certain because unexpressed , had buoyed me up , that he would claim me at once as his own . But no hint to that effect escaping him and his countenance becoming more overcast , I suddenly remembered that I might have been all wrong , and was perhaps playing the fool unwittingly ; and I began gently to withdraw myself from his arms -- but he eagerly snatched me closer .
" No -- no -- Jane ; you must not go . No -- I have touched you , heard you , felt the comfort of your presence -- the sweetness of your consolation : I cannot give up these joys . I have little left in myself -- I must have you . The world may laugh -- may call me absurd , selfish -- but it does not signify . My very soul demands you : it will be satisfied , or it will take deadly vengeance on its frame ."
" Well , sir , I will stay with you : I have said so ."
" Yes -- but you understand one thing by staying with me ; and I understand another . You , perhaps , could make up your mind to be about my hand and chair -- to wait on me as a kind little nurse ( for you have an affectionate heart and a generous spirit , which prompt you to make sacrifices for those you pity ), and that ought to suffice for me no doubt . I suppose I should now entertain none but fatherly feelings for you : do you think so ? Come -- tell me ."
" I will think what you like , sir : I am content to be only your nurse , if you think it better ."
" But you cannot always be my nurse , Janet : you are young -- you must marry one day ."
" I don ' t care about being married ."