CHAPTER XXXIV 510
" We cannot-- we cannot," he answered, with short, sharp determination: " it would not do. You have said you will go with me to India: remember-- you have said that."
" Conditionally."
" Well-- well. To the main point-- the departure with me from England, the co-operation with me in my future labours-- you do not object. You have already as good as put your hand to the plough: you are too consistent to withdraw it. You have but one end to keep in view-- how the work you have undertaken can best be done. Simplify your complicated interests, feelings, thoughts, wishes, aims; merge all considerations in one purpose: that of fulfilling with effect-- with power-- the mission of your great Master. To do so, you must have a coadjutor: not a brother-- that is a loose tie-- but a husband. I, too, do not want a sister: a sister might any day be taken from me. I want a wife: the sole helpmeet I can influence efficiently in life, and retain absolutely till death."
I shuddered as he spoke: I felt his influence in my marrow-- his hold on my limbs.
" Seek one elsewhere than in me, St. John: seek one fitted to you."
" One fitted to my purpose, you mean-- fitted to my vocation. Again I tell you it is not the insignificant private individual-- the mere man, with the man ' s selfish senses-- I wish to mate: it is the missionary."
" And I will give the missionary my energies-- it is all he wants-- but not myself: that would be only adding the husk and shell to the kernel. For them he has no use: I retain them."
" You cannot-- you ought not. Do you think God will be satisfied with half an oblation? Will He accept a mutilated sacrifice? It is the cause of God I advocate: it is under His standard I enlist you. I cannot accept on His behalf a divided allegiance: it must be entire."