CHAPTER XXXIV 498
some shame at the recollection of what I had already hazarded . Besides , I was out of practice in talking to him : his reserve was again frozen over , and my frankness was congealed beneath it . He had not kept his promise of treating me like his sisters ; he continually made little chilling differences between us , which did not at all tend to the development of cordiality : in short , now that I was acknowledged his kinswoman , and lived under the same roof with him , I felt the distance between us to be far greater than when he had known me only as the village schoolmistress . When I remembered how far I had once been admitted to his confidence , I could hardly comprehend his present frigidity .
Such being the case , I felt not a little surprised when he raised his head suddenly from the desk over which he was stooping , and said -
" You see , Jane , the battle is fought and the victory won ."
Startled at being thus addressed , I did not immediately reply : after a moment ' s hesitation I answered -
" But are you sure you are not in the position of those conquerors whose triumphs have cost them too dear ? Would not such another ruin you ?"
" I think not ; and if I were , it does not much signify ; I shall never be called upon to contend for such another . The event of the conflict is decisive : my way is now clear ; I thank God for it !" So saying , he returned to his papers and his silence .
As our mutual happiness ( i . e ., Diana ' s , Mary ' s , and mine ) settled into a quieter character , and we resumed our usual habits and regular studies , St . John stayed more at home : he sat with us in the same room , sometimes for hours together . While Mary drew , Diana pursued a course of encyclopaedic reading she had ( to my awe and amazement ) undertaken , and I fagged away at German , he pondered a mystic lore of his own : that of some Eastern tongue , the acquisition of which he thought necessary to his plans .