CHAPTER XXXIII 486
I walked fast through the room : I stopped , half suffocated with the thoughts that rose faster than I could receive , comprehend , settle them : - thoughts of what might , could , would , and should be , and that ere long . I looked at the blank wall : it seemed a sky thick with ascending stars , -- every one lit me to a purpose or delight . Those who had saved my life , whom , till this hour , I had loved barrenly , I could now benefit . They were under a yoke , -- I could free them : they were scattered , -- I could reunite them : the independence , the affluence which was mine , might be theirs too . Were we not four ? Twenty thousand pounds shared equally would be five thousand each , justice -- enough and to spare : justice would be done , -- mutual happiness secured . Now the wealth did not weigh on me : now it was not a mere bequest of coin , -- it was a legacy of life , hope , enjoyment .
How I looked while these ideas were taking my spirit by storm , I cannot tell ; but I perceived soon that Mr . Rivers had placed a chair behind me , and was gently attempting to make me sit down on it . He also advised me to be composed ; I scorned the insinuation of helplessness and distraction , shook off his hand , and began to walk about again .
" Write to Diana and Mary to-morrow ," I said , " and tell them to come home directly . Diana said they would both consider themselves rich with a thousand pounds , so with five thousand they will do very well ."
" Tell me where I can get you a glass of water ," said St . John ; " you must really make an effort to tranquillise your feelings ."
" Nonsense ! and what sort of an effect will the bequest have on you ? Will it keep you in England , induce you to marry Miss Oliver , and settle down like an ordinary mortal ?"
" You wander : your head becomes confused . I have been too abrupt in communicating the news ; it has excited you beyond your strength ."
" Mr . Rivers ! you quite put me out of patience : I am rational enough ; it is you who misunderstand , or rather who affect to misunderstand ."