CHAPTER XXXIII 481
Here was a new card turned up! It is a fine thing, reader, to be lifted in a moment from indigence to wealth-- a very fine thing; but not a matter one can comprehend, or consequently enjoy, all at once. And then there are other chances in life far more thrilling and rapture-giving: THIS is solid, an affair of the actual world, nothing ideal about it: all its associations are solid and sober, and its manifestations are the same. One does not jump, and spring, and shout hurrah! at hearing one has got a fortune; one begins to consider responsibilities, and to ponder business; on a base of steady satisfaction rise certain grave cares, and we contain ourselves, and brood over our bliss with a solemn brow.
Besides, the words Legacy, Bequest, go side by side with the words, Death, Funeral. My uncle I had heard was dead-- my only relative; ever since being made aware of his existence, I had cherished the hope of one day seeing him: now, I never should. And then this money came only to me: not to me and a rejoicing family, but to my isolated self. It was a grand boon doubtless; and independence would be glorious-- yes, I felt that-- that thought swelled my heart.
" You unbend your forehead at last," said Mr. Rivers. " I thought Medusa had looked at you, and that you were turning to stone. Perhaps now you will ask how much you are worth?"
" How much am I worth?"
" Oh, a trifle! Nothing of course to speak of-- twenty thousand pounds, I think they say-- but what is that?"
" Twenty thousand pounds?"
Here was a new stunner-- I had been calculating on four or five thousand. This news actually took my breath for a moment: Mr. St. John, whom I had never heard laugh before, laughed now.
" Well," said he, " if you had committed a murder, and I had told you your crime was discovered, you could scarcely look more aghast."