CHAPTER XXXIII 481
Here was a new card turned up ! It is a fine thing , reader , to be lifted in a moment from indigence to wealth -- a very fine thing ; but not a matter one can comprehend , or consequently enjoy , all at once . And then there are other chances in life far more thrilling and rapture-giving : THIS is solid , an affair of the actual world , nothing ideal about it : all its associations are solid and sober , and its manifestations are the same . One does not jump , and spring , and shout hurrah ! at hearing one has got a fortune ; one begins to consider responsibilities , and to ponder business ; on a base of steady satisfaction rise certain grave cares , and we contain ourselves , and brood over our bliss with a solemn brow .
Besides , the words Legacy , Bequest , go side by side with the words , Death , Funeral . My uncle I had heard was dead -- my only relative ; ever since being made aware of his existence , I had cherished the hope of one day seeing him : now , I never should . And then this money came only to me : not to me and a rejoicing family , but to my isolated self . It was a grand boon doubtless ; and independence would be glorious -- yes , I felt that -- that thought swelled my heart .
" You unbend your forehead at last ," said Mr . Rivers . " I thought Medusa had looked at you , and that you were turning to stone . Perhaps now you will ask how much you are worth ?"
" How much am I worth ?"
" Oh , a trifle ! Nothing of course to speak of -- twenty thousand pounds , I think they say -- but what is that ?"
" Twenty thousand pounds ?"
Here was a new stunner -- I had been calculating on four or five thousand . This news actually took my breath for a moment : Mr . St . John , whom I had never heard laugh before , laughed now .
" Well ," said he , " if you had committed a murder , and I had told you your crime was discovered , you could scarcely look more aghast ."