CHAPTER XXXII 471
will marry , probably , some one who will make her far happier than I should do ."
" You speak coolly enough ; but you suffer in the conflict . You are wasting away ."
" No . If I get a little thin , it is with anxiety about my prospects , yet unsettled -- my departure , continually procrastinated . Only this morning , I received intelligence that the successor , whose arrival I have been so long expecting , cannot be ready to replace me for three months to come yet ; and perhaps the three months may extend to six ."
" You tremble and become flushed whenever Miss Oliver enters the schoolroom ."
Again the surprised expression crossed his face . He had not imagined that a woman would dare to speak so to a man . For me , I felt at home in this sort of discourse . I could never rest in communication with strong , discreet , and refined minds , whether male or female , till I had passed the outworks of conventional reserve , and crossed the threshold of confidence , and won a place by their heart ' s very hearthstone .
" You are original ," said he , " and not timid . There is something brave in your spirit , as well as penetrating in your eye ; but allow me to assure you that you partially misinterpret my emotions . You think them more profound and potent than they are . You give me a larger allowance of sympathy than I have a just claim to . When I colour , and when I shade before Miss Oliver , I do not pity myself . I scorn the weakness . I know it is ignoble : a mere fever of the flesh : not , I declare , the convulsion of the soul . THAT is just as fixed as a rock , firm set in the depths of a restless sea . Know me to be what I am -- a cold hard man ."
I smiled incredulously .
" You have taken my confidence by storm ," he continued , " and now it is much at your service . I am simply , in my original state -- stripped of that