CHAPTER XXVIII 413
" Not so far -- happen three mile . He had been called away by the sudden death of his father : he was at Marsh End now , and would very likely stay there a fortnight longer ."
" Was there any lady of the house ?"
" Nay , there was naught but her , and she was housekeeper ;" and of her , reader , I could not bear to ask the relief for want of which I was sinking ; I could not yet beg ; and again I crawled away .
Once more I took off my handkerchief -- once more I thought of the cakes of bread in the little shop . Oh , for but a crust ! for but one mouthful to allay the pang of famine ! Instinctively I turned my face again to the village ; I found the shop again , and I went in ; and though others were there besides the woman I ventured the request -- " Would she give me a roll for this handkerchief ?"
She looked at me with evident suspicion : " Nay , she never sold stuff i ' that way ."
Almost desperate , I asked for half a cake ; she again refused . " How could she tell where I had got the handkerchief ?" she said .
" Would she take my gloves ?" " No ! what could she do with them ?"
Reader , it is not pleasant to dwell on these details . Some say there is enjoyment in looking back to painful experience past ; but at this day I can scarcely bear to review the times to which I allude : the moral degradation , blent with the physical suffering , form too distressing a recollection ever to be willingly dwelt on . I blamed none of those who repulsed me . I felt it was what was to be expected , and what could not be helped : an ordinary beggar is frequently an object of suspicion ; a well-dressed beggar inevitably so . To be sure , what I begged was employment ; but whose business was it to provide me with employment ? Not , certainly , that of persons who saw me