CHAPTER XXVII 403
encountered the beads of a pearl necklace Mr . Rochester had forced me to accept a few days ago . I left that ; it was not mine : it was the visionary bride ' s who had melted in air . The other articles I made up in a parcel ; my purse , containing twenty shillings ( it was all I had ), I put in my pocket : I tied on my straw bonnet , pinned my shawl , took the parcel and my slippers , which I would not put on yet , and stole from my room .
" Farewell , kind Mrs . Fairfax !" I whispered , as I glided past her door . " Farewell , my darling Adele !" I said , as I glanced towards the nursery . No thought could be admitted of entering to embrace her . I had to deceive a fine ear : for aught I knew it might now be listening .
I would have got past Mr . Rochester ' s chamber without a pause ; but my heart momentarily stopping its beat at that threshold , my foot was forced to stop also . No sleep was there : the inmate was walking restlessly from wall to wall ; and again and again he sighed while I listened . There was a heaven -- a temporary heaven -- in this room for me , if I chose : I had but to go in and to say -
" Mr . Rochester , I will love you and live with you through life till death ," and a fount of rapture would spring to my lips . I thought of this .
That kind master , who could not sleep now , was waiting with impatience for day . He would send for me in the morning ; I should be gone . He would have me sought for : vainly . He would feel himself forsaken ; his love rejected : he would suffer ; perhaps grow desperate . I thought of this too . My hand moved towards the lock : I caught it back , and glided on .
Drearily I wound my way downstairs : I knew what I had to do , and I did it mechanically . I sought the key of the side-door in the kitchen ; I sought , too , a phial of oil and a feather ; I oiled the key and the lock . I got some water , I got some bread : for perhaps I should have to walk far ; and my strength , sorely shaken of late , must not break down . All this I did without one sound . I opened the door , passed out , shut it softly . Dim dawn glimmered in the yard . The great gates were closed and locked ; but a wicket in one of them was only latched . Through that I departed : it , too , I shut ; and now I