CHAPTER XXVII 391
possess herself of the key of her cell , and issue therefrom in the night-time . On the first of these occasions , she perpetrated the attempt to burn me in my bed ; on the second , she paid that ghastly visit to you . I thank Providence , who watched over you , that she then spent her fury on your wedding apparel , which perhaps brought back vague reminiscences of her own bridal days : but on what might have happened , I cannot endure to reflect . When I think of the thing which flew at my throat this morning , hanging its black and scarlet visage over the nest of my dove , my blood curdles ."
" And what , sir ," I asked , while he paused , " did you do when you had settled her here ? Where did you go ?"
" What did I do , Jane ? I transformed myself into a will-o ' -the-wisp . Where did I go ? I pursued wanderings as wild as those of the March-spirit . I sought the Continent , and went devious through all its lands . My fixed desire was to seek and find a good and intelligent woman , whom I could love : a contrast to the fury I left at Thornfield -- "
" But you could not marry , sir ."
" I had determined and was convinced that I could and ought . It was not my original intention to deceive , as I have deceived you . I meant to tell my tale plainly , and make my proposals openly : and it appeared to me so absolutely rational that I should be considered free to love and be loved , I never doubted some woman might be found willing and able to understand my case and accept me , in spite of the curse with which I was burdened ."
" Well , sir ?"
" When you are inquisitive , Jane , you always make me smile . You open your eyes like an eager bird , and make every now and then a restless movement , as if answers in speech did not flow fast enough for you , and you wanted to read the tablet of one ' s heart . But before I go on , tell me what you mean by your ' Well , sir ?' It is a small phrase very frequent with you ; and which many a time has drawn me on and on through interminable