CHAPTER XXVII 389 opposing but slight obstruction to her wolfish cries .
"' This life ,' said I at last , ' is hell : this is the air -- those are the sounds of the bottomless pit ! I have a right to deliver myself from it if I can . The sufferings of this mortal state will leave me with the heavy flesh that now cumbers my soul . Of the fanatic ' s burning eternity I have no fear : there is not a future state worse than this present one -- let me break away , and go home to God !'
" I said this whilst I knelt down at , and unlocked a trunk which contained a brace of loaded pistols : I mean to shoot myself . I only entertained the intention for a moment ; for , not being insane , the crisis of exquisite and unalloyed despair , which had originated the wish and design of self-destruction , was past in a second .
" A wind fresh from Europe blew over the ocean and rushed through the open casement : the storm broke , streamed , thundered , blazed , and the air grew pure . I then framed and fixed a resolution . While I walked under the dripping orange-trees of my wet garden , and amongst its drenched pomegranates and pine-apples , and while the refulgent dawn of the tropics kindled round me -- I reasoned thus , Jane -- and now listen ; for it was true Wisdom that consoled me in that hour , and showed me the right path to follow .
" The sweet wind from Europe was still whispering in the refreshed leaves , and the Atlantic was thundering in glorious liberty ; my heart , dried up and scorched for a long time , swelled to the tone , and filled with living blood -- my being longed for renewal -- my soul thirsted for a pure draught . I saw hope revive -- and felt regeneration possible . From a flowery arch at the bottom of my garden I gazed over the sea -- bluer than the sky : the old world was beyond ; clear prospects opened thus : -
"' Go ,' said Hope , ' and live again in Europe : there it is not known what a sullied name you bear , nor what a filthy burden is bound to you . You may take the maniac with you to England ; confine her with due attendance and precautions at Thornfield : then travel yourself to what clime you will , and