CHAPTER XXVII 387
bear the continued outbreaks of her violent and unreasonable temper , or the vexations of her absurd , contradictory , exacting orders -- even then I restrained myself : I eschewed upbraiding , I curtailed remonstrance ; I tried to devour my repentance and disgust in secret ; I repressed the deep antipathy I felt .
" Jane , I will not trouble you with abominable details : some strong words shall express what I have to say . I lived with that woman upstairs four years , and before that time she had tried me indeed : her character ripened and developed with frightful rapidity ; her vices sprang up fast and rank : they were so strong , only cruelty could check them , and I would not use cruelty . What a pigmy intellect she had , and what giant propensities ! How fearful were the curses those propensities entailed on me ! Bertha Mason , the true daughter of an infamous mother , dragged me through all the hideous and degrading agonies which must attend a man bound to a wife at once intemperate and unchaste .
" My brother in the interval was dead , and at the end of the four years my father died too . I was rich enough now -- yet poor to hideous indigence : a nature the most gross , impure , depraved I ever saw , was associated with mine , and called by the law and by society a part of me . And I could not rid myself of it by any legal proceedings : for the doctors now discovered that MY WIFE was mad -- her excesses had prematurely developed the germs of insanity . Jane , you don ' t like my narrative ; you look almost sick -- shall I defer the rest to another day ?"
" No , sir , finish it now ; I pity you -- I do earnestly pity you ."
" Pity , Jane , from some people is a noxious and insulting sort of tribute , which one is justified in hurling back in the teeth of those who offer it ; but that is the sort of pity native to callous , selfish hearts ; it is a hybrid , egotistical pain at hearing of woes , crossed with ignorant contempt for those who have endured them . But that is not your pity , Jane ; it is not the feeling of which your whole face is full at this moment -- with which your eyes are now almost overflowing -- with which your heart is heaving -- with which your hand is trembling in mine . Your pity , my darling , is the