CHAPTER XXVII 379
" Why , Jane ? I will spare you the trouble of much talking ; I will answer for you -- Because I have a wife already , you would reply . -- I guess rightly ?"
" Yes ."
" If you think so , you must have a strange opinion of me ; you must regard me as a plotting profligate -- a base and low rake who has been simulating disinterested love in order to draw you into a snare deliberately laid , and strip you of honour and rob you of self- respect . What do you say to that ? I see you can say nothing in the first place , you are faint still , and have enough to do to draw your breath ; in the second place , you cannot yet accustom yourself to accuse and revile me , and besides , the flood-gates of tears are opened , and they would rush out if you spoke much ; and you have no desire to expostulate , to upbraid , to make a scene : you are thinking how TO ACT -- TALKING you consider is of no use . I know you -- I am on my guard ."
" Sir , I do not wish to act against you ," I said ; and my unsteady voice warned me to curtail my sentence .
" Not in your sense of the word , but in mine you are scheming to destroy me . You have as good as said that I am a married man -- as a married man you will shun me , keep out of my way : just now you have refused to kiss me . You intend to make yourself a complete stranger to me : to live under this roof only as Adele ' s governess ; if ever I say a friendly word to you , if ever a friendly feeling inclines you again to me , you will say , -- ' That man had nearly made me his mistress : I must be ice and rock to him ;' and ice and rock you will accordingly become ."
I cleared and steadied my voice to reply : " All is changed about me , sir ; I must change too -- there is no doubt of that ; and to avoid fluctuations of feeling , and continual combats with recollections and associations , there is only one way -- Adele must have a new governess , sir ."
" Oh , Adele will go to school -- I have settled that already ; nor do I mean to torment you with the hideous associations and recollections of Thornfield