CHAPTER XXVII 379
" Why, Jane? I will spare you the trouble of much talking; I will answer for you-- Because I have a wife already, you would reply.-- I guess rightly?"
" Yes."
" If you think so, you must have a strange opinion of me; you must regard me as a plotting profligate-- a base and low rake who has been simulating disinterested love in order to draw you into a snare deliberately laid, and strip you of honour and rob you of self- respect. What do you say to that? I see you can say nothing in the first place, you are faint still, and have enough to do to draw your breath; in the second place, you cannot yet accustom yourself to accuse and revile me, and besides, the flood-gates of tears are opened, and they would rush out if you spoke much; and you have no desire to expostulate, to upbraid, to make a scene: you are thinking how TO ACT-- TALKING you consider is of no use. I know you-- I am on my guard."
" Sir, I do not wish to act against you," I said; and my unsteady voice warned me to curtail my sentence.
" Not in your sense of the word, but in mine you are scheming to destroy me. You have as good as said that I am a married man-- as a married man you will shun me, keep out of my way: just now you have refused to kiss me. You intend to make yourself a complete stranger to me: to live under this roof only as Adele ' s governess; if ever I say a friendly word to you, if ever a friendly feeling inclines you again to me, you will say,-- ' That man had nearly made me his mistress: I must be ice and rock to him;' and ice and rock you will accordingly become."
I cleared and steadied my voice to reply: " All is changed about me, sir; I must change too-- there is no doubt of that; and to avoid fluctuations of feeling, and continual combats with recollections and associations, there is only one way-- Adele must have a new governess, sir."
" Oh, Adele will go to school-- I have settled that already; nor do I mean to torment you with the hideous associations and recollections of Thornfield