CHAPTER XXVII 376
CHAPTER XXVII
Some time in the afternoon I raised my head , and looking round and seeing the western sun gilding the sign of its decline on the wall , I asked , " What am I to do ?"
But the answer my mind gave -- " Leave Thornfield at once " -- was so prompt , so dread , that I stopped my ears . I said I could not bear such words now . " That I am not Edward Rochester ' s bride is the least part of my woe ," I alleged : " that I have wakened out of most glorious dreams , and found them all void and vain , is a horror I could bear and master ; but that I must leave him decidedly , instantly , entirely , is intolerable . I cannot do it ."
But , then , a voice within me averred that I could do it and foretold that I should do it . I wrestled with my own resolution : I wanted to be weak that I might avoid the awful passage of further suffering I saw laid out for me ; and Conscience , turned tyrant , held Passion by the throat , told her tauntingly , she had yet but dipped her dainty foot in the slough , and swore that with that arm of iron he would thrust her down to unsounded depths of agony .
" Let me be torn away ," then I cried . " Let another help me !"
" No ; you shall tear yourself away , none shall help you : you shall yourself pluck out your right eye ; yourself cut off your right hand : your heart shall be the victim , and you the priest to transfix it ."
I rose up suddenly , terror-struck at the solitude which so ruthless a judge haunted , -- at the silence which so awful a voice filled . My head swam as I stood erect . I perceived that I was sickening from excitement and inanition ; neither meat nor drink had passed my lips that day , for I had taken no breakfast . And , with a strange pang , I now reflected that , long as I had been shut up here , no message had been sent to ask how I was , or to invite me to come down : not even little Adele had tapped at the door ; not even Mrs . Fairfax had sought me . " Friends always forget those whom fortune forsakes ," I murmured , as I undrew the bolt and passed out . I stumbled over