CHAPTER XXI 295
but he was weak , naturally weak . John does not at all resemble his father , and I am glad of it : John is like me and like my brothers -- he is quite a Gibson . Oh , I wish he would cease tormenting me with letters for money ? I have no more money to give him : we are getting poor . I must send away half the servants and shut up part of the house ; or let it off . I can never submit to do that -- yet how are we to get on ? Two-thirds of my income goes in paying the interest of mortgages . John gambles dreadfully , and always loses -- poor boy ! He is beset by sharpers : John is sunk and degraded -- his look is frightful -- I feel ashamed for him when I see him ."
She was getting much excited . " I think I had better leave her now ," said I to Bessie , who stood on the other side of the bed .
" Perhaps you had , Miss : but she often talks in this way towards night -- in the morning she is calmer ."
I rose . " Stop !" exclaimed Mrs . Reed , " there is another thing I wished to say . He threatens me -- he continually threatens me with his own death , or mine : and I dream sometimes that I see him laid out with a great wound in his throat , or with a swollen and blackened face . I am come to a strange pass : I have heavy troubles . What is to be done ? How is the money to be had ?"
Bessie now endeavoured to persuade her to take a sedative draught : she succeeded with difficulty . Soon after , Mrs . Reed grew more composed , and sank into a dozing state . I then left her .
More than ten days elapsed before I had again any conversation with her . She continued either delirious or lethargic ; and the doctor forbade everything which could painfully excite her . Meantime , I got on as well as I could with Georgiana and Eliza . They were very cold , indeed , at first . Eliza would sit half the day sewing , reading , or writing , and scarcely utter a word either to me or her sister . Georgiana would chatter nonsense to her canary bird by the hour , and take no notice of me . But I was determined not to seem at a loss for occupation or amusement : I had brought my drawing materials with me , and they served me for both .