CHAPTER XXI 295
but he was weak, naturally weak. John does not at all resemble his father, and I am glad of it: John is like me and like my brothers-- he is quite a Gibson. Oh, I wish he would cease tormenting me with letters for money? I have no more money to give him: we are getting poor. I must send away half the servants and shut up part of the house; or let it off. I can never submit to do that-- yet how are we to get on? Two-thirds of my income goes in paying the interest of mortgages. John gambles dreadfully, and always loses-- poor boy! He is beset by sharpers: John is sunk and degraded-- his look is frightful-- I feel ashamed for him when I see him."
She was getting much excited. " I think I had better leave her now," said I to Bessie, who stood on the other side of the bed.
" Perhaps you had, Miss: but she often talks in this way towards night-- in the morning she is calmer."
I rose. " Stop!" exclaimed Mrs. Reed, " there is another thing I wished to say. He threatens me-- he continually threatens me with his own death, or mine: and I dream sometimes that I see him laid out with a great wound in his throat, or with a swollen and blackened face. I am come to a strange pass: I have heavy troubles. What is to be done? How is the money to be had?"
Bessie now endeavoured to persuade her to take a sedative draught: she succeeded with difficulty. Soon after, Mrs. Reed grew more composed, and sank into a dozing state. I then left her.
More than ten days elapsed before I had again any conversation with her. She continued either delirious or lethargic; and the doctor forbade everything which could painfully excite her. Meantime, I got on as well as I could with Georgiana and Eliza. They were very cold, indeed, at first. Eliza would sit half the day sewing, reading, or writing, and scarcely utter a word either to me or her sister. Georgiana would chatter nonsense to her canary bird by the hour, and take no notice of me. But I was determined not to seem at a loss for occupation or amusement: I had brought my drawing materials with me, and they served me for both.