CHAPTER XVIII 235 otherwise I felt sure all the world would act as I wished to act .
But in other points , as well as this , I was growing very lenient to my master : I was forgetting all his faults , for which I had once kept a sharp look-out . It had formerly been my endeavour to study all sides of his character : to take the bad with the good ; and from the just weighing of both , to form an equitable judgment . Now I saw no bad . The sarcasm that had repelled , the harshness that had startled me once , were only like keen condiments in a choice dish : their presence was pungent , but their absence would be felt as comparatively insipid . And as for the vague something -- was it a sinister or a sorrowful , a designing or a desponding expression ? -- that opened upon a careful observer , now and then , in his eye , and closed again before one could fathom the strange depth partially disclosed ; that something which used to make me fear and shrink , as if I had been wandering amongst volcanic-looking hills , and had suddenly felt the ground quiver and seen it gape : that something , I , at intervals , beheld still ; and with throbbing heart , but not with palsied nerves . Instead of wishing to shun , I longed only to dare -- to divine it ; and I thought Miss Ingram happy , because one day she might look into the abyss at her leisure , explore its secrets and analyse their nature .
Meantime , while I thought only of my master and his future bride -- saw only them , heard only their discourse , and considered only their movements of importance -- the rest of the party were occupied with their own separate interests and pleasures . The Ladies Lynn and Ingram continued to consort in solemn conferences , where they nodded their two turbans at each other , and held up their four hands in confronting gestures of surprise , or mystery , or horror , according to the theme on which their gossip ran , like a pair of magnified puppets . Mild Mrs . Dent talked with good-natured Mrs . Eshton ; and the two sometimes bestowed a courteous word or smile on me . Sir George Lynn , Colonel Dent , and Mr . Eshton discussed politics , or county affairs , or justice business . Lord Ingram flirted with Amy Eshton ; Louisa played and sang to and with one of the Messrs . Lynn ; and Mary Ingram listened languidly to the gallant speeches of the other . Sometimes all , as with one consent , suspended their by-play to observe and listen to the principal actors : for , after all , Mr . Rochester and -- because closely