CHAPTER XV 180
reflecting that metal welkin : and yet how long have I abhorred the very thought of it , shunned it like a great plague-house ? How I do still abhor - "
He ground his teeth and was silent : he arrested his step and struck his boot against the hard ground . Some hated thought seemed to have him in its grip , and to hold him so tightly that he could not advance .
We were ascending the avenue when he thus paused ; the hall was before us . Lifting his eye to its battlements , he cast over them a glare such as I never saw before or since . Pain , shame , ire , impatience , disgust , detestation , seemed momentarily to hold a quivering conflict in the large pupil dilating under his ebon eyebrow . Wild was the wrestle which should be paramount ; but another feeling rose and triumphed : something hard and cynical : self-willed and resolute : it settled his passion and petrified his countenance : he went on -
" During the moment I was silent , Miss Eyre , I was arranging a point with my destiny . She stood there , by that beech-trunk -- a hag like one of those who appeared to Macbeth on the heath of Forres . ' You like Thornfield ?' she said , lifting her finger ; and then she wrote in the air a memento , which ran in lurid hieroglyphics all along the house-front , between the upper and lower row of windows , ' Like it if you can ! Like it if you dare !'
"' I will like it ,' said I ; ' I dare like it ;' and " ( he subjoined moodily ) " I will keep my word ; I will break obstacles to happiness , to goodness -- yes , goodness . I wish to be a better man than I have been , than I am ; as Job ' s leviathan broke the spear , the dart , and the habergeon , hindrances which others count as iron and brass , I will esteem but straw and rotten wood ."
Adele here ran before him with her shuttlecock . " Away !" he cried harshly ; " keep at a distance , child ; or go in to Sophie !" Continuing then to pursue his walk in silence , I ventured to recall him to the point whence he had abruptly diverged -
" Did you leave the balcony , sir ," I asked , " when Mdlle . Varens entered ?"