CHAPTER XV 178
CHAPTER XV
Mr . Rochester did , on a future occasion , explain it . It was one afternoon , when he chanced to meet me and Adele in the grounds : and while she played with Pilot and her shuttlecock , he asked me to walk up and down a long beech avenue within sight of her .
He then said that she was the daughter of a French opera-dancer , Celine Varens , towards whom he had once cherished what he called a " grande passion ." This passion Celine had professed to return with even superior ardour . He thought himself her idol , ugly as he was : he believed , as he said , that she preferred his " taille d ' athlete " to the elegance of the Apollo Belvidere .
" And , Miss Eyre , so much was I flattered by this preference of the Gallic sylph for her British gnome , that I installed her in an hotel ; gave her a complete establishment of servants , a carriage , cashmeres , diamonds , dentelles , & c . In short , I began the process of ruining myself in the received style , like any other spoony . I had not , it seems , the originality to chalk out a new road to shame and destruction , but trode the old track with stupid exactness not to deviate an inch from the beaten centre . I had -- as I deserved to have -- the fate of all other spoonies . Happening to call one evening when Celine did not expect me , I found her out ; but it was a warm night , and I was tired with strolling through Paris , so I sat down in her boudoir ; happy to breathe the air consecrated so lately by her presence . No , -- I exaggerate ; I never thought there was any consecrating virtue about her : it was rather a sort of pastille perfume she had left ; a scent of musk and amber , than an odour of sanctity . I was just beginning to stifle with the fumes of conservatory flowers and sprinkled essences , when I bethought myself to open the window and step out on to the balcony . It was moonlight and gaslight besides , and very still and serene . The balcony was furnished with a chair or two ; I sat down , and took out a cigar , -- I will take one now , if you will excuse me ."
Here ensued a pause , filled up by the producing and lighting of a cigar ; having placed it to his lips and breathed a trail of Havannah incense on the