CHAPTER II 16
reflections varying the gloss of its panels ; to my left were the muffled windows ; a great looking-glass between them repeated the vacant majesty of the bed and room . I was not quite sure whether they had locked the door ; and when I dared move , I got up and went to see . Alas ! yes : no jail was ever more secure . Returning , I had to cross before the looking-glass ; my fascinated glance involuntarily explored the depth it revealed . All looked colder and darker in that visionary hollow than in reality : and the strange little figure there gazing at me , with a white face and arms specking the gloom , and glittering eyes of fear moving where all else was still , had the effect of a real spirit : I thought it like one of the tiny phantoms , half fairy , half imp , Bessie ' s evening stories represented as coming out of lone , ferny dells in moors , and appearing before the eyes of belated travellers . I returned to my stool .
Superstition was with me at that moment ; but it was not yet her hour for complete victory : my blood was still warm ; the mood of the revolted slave was still bracing me with its bitter vigour ; I had to stem a rapid rush of retrospective thought before I quailed to the dismal present .
All John Reed ' s violent tyrannies , all his sisters ' proud indifference , all his mother ' s aversion , all the servants ' partiality , turned up in my disturbed mind like a dark deposit in a turbid well . Why was I always suffering , always browbeaten , always accused , for ever condemned ? Why could I never please ? Why was it useless to try to win any one ' s favour ? Eliza , who was headstrong and selfish , was respected . Georgiana , who had a spoiled temper , a very acrid spite , a captious and insolent carriage , was universally indulged . Her beauty , her pink cheeks and golden curls , seemed to give delight to all who looked at her , and to purchase indemnity for every fault . John no one thwarted , much less punished ; though he twisted the necks of the pigeons , killed the little pea-chicks , set the dogs at the sheep , stripped the hothouse vines of their fruit , and broke the buds off the choicest plants in the conservatory : he called his mother " old girl ," too ; sometimes reviled her for her dark skin , similar to his own ; bluntly disregarded her wishes ; not unfrequently tore and spoiled her silk attire ; and he was still " her own darling ." I dared commit no fault : I strove to fulfil every duty ; and I was termed naughty and tiresome , sullen and sneaking , from morning to noon ,