Getting someone to say no is easy . It ’ s one of the best communication skills you can possess . Just flip your yes-oriented questions into no-oriented questions . Instead of asking the maître d ’, “ Is it okay if we sit in the reserved section of the restaurant ?” ask them , “ Would it be horrible if we sat there ?”
Pretty much every yes-oriented question you ask can be flipped around by adding phrases like these to your statement :
• Have you given up on ... ?
• Is it ridiculous ... ?
• Would it be horrible ... ?
• Is it a bad idea ... ?
Have You Given Up On This Project ?
When you ask the other side whether they ’ ve given up on the project — or whatever the issue at hand might be — it triggers the safety of no . At the same time , it also taps into prospect theory , the Nobel Prize-winning concept that loss aversion drives action more than the desire for gain . Did you know people are twice as likely to take an action to avoid a loss than they are to accomplish a gain ? Use this knowledge to your advantage .
Our clients swear by this question . In fact , it ’ s one of the top email subject lines that produces results . There ’ s one caveat here : Make sure you ’ re ready for a quick answer and are prepared to deliver a “ That ’ s Right ” Summary™ before you move any further .
Check out these scenarios and think about how you can apply them to your business negotiations .
Would It Be Ridiculous For You To Come Speak At The Negotiation Course I Teach At USC ?
I asked Jack Welch , the legendary CEO of General Electric ( rest in peace ), this question when I approached him cold at a book signing once . He stopped dead in his tracks and gave me his personal assistant ’ s contact information so we could try to make our calendars sync . Unfortunately , the timing didn ’ t work . But how many people can get digits like that ? Think about how many questions someone like Jack Welch is asked every day , and how almost all of them are yes-oriented questions : Would you sign this autograph ? Being able to say no and feel protected makes us more open to other ideas .
I also got “ Shark Tank ’ s ” Robert Herjavec to buy tickets to The Black Swan Group ’ s one-day negotiation training master class using this same kind of question .
Would It Be Horrible If We Sat In This Section ?
One day , a couple of colleagues and I had just come out of a conference . We were a bit thirsty , so we headed into a restaurant in search of a happy hour cocktail — just one . There was a problem : There weren ’ t any seats at the bar . But there were seats in a roped-off section of the restaurant .
So , I asked the waitress the above question , and she told us that it would be perfectly fine to sit there as long as we were out by 6 . We were , and I left her a great tip .
Is It A Bad Idea To Cut A Deal ?
One of our clients used this during a break in a recent training session to cut a deal back home . She left the room during the break and used it to suggest an alternative solution that her colleague had been resisting .
His reply was straightforward : No , it wouldn ’ t be . And the deal was made .
The Power Of No-Oriented Questions
I actually ask everyone who works with me to only use no-oriented questions™ with me late in the day . Science tells us we ’ re only capable of making a certain number of decisions every day , and by the end of the day , our brains start to wear out . This is why people like Mark Zuckerberg and Steve Jobs have been notorious for wearing the same thing every day . They ’ re not interested in burning up mental decision power on what shirt to wear when the decisions they make every day are worth millions of dollars .
When someone asks me a Calibrated Question™ that begins with what or how and I ’ m fatigued , I likely won ’ t answer until the next day . If they give me a Is this a bad idea ? type of question , I actually find myself quickly focusing — and even getting a little bit of energy — and being able to answer .
Practice makes perfect . Use these communication skills in low-stakes scenarios , like the next time you ’ re checking out with a clerk or on the phone with your cable company . ( Think : Would it be ridiculous for you to give a loyal customer like me the same deal you give new subscribers ?)
Is it a bad idea to leverage the natural human inclination to say no to get things done ?
Well , what do you think ? n
Chris Voss is the CEO of The Black Swan Group , a firm that solves business negotiation problems with hostage negotiation strategies . Chris is also an Adjunct Professor at the University of Southern California ( USC ) Marshall School of Business and Georgetown University ’ s McDonough School of Business , where he teaches business negotiation in both MBA programs . Chris is the internationally acclaimed bestselling author of “ Never Split The Difference .”
Find out more at BlackSwanLTD . com
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