B) Capture the Queen without comment.
C) Pick up the Queen with a chuckle and remark “Won’t be long now!”
D) Call the child’s mother over to the board... Rip his Queen off, and tell her to take her baby home,
because he’s not ready to be a chess player.
After leaving your own Queen hanging against an eight year old you would:
A) Resign gracefully and offer congratulations for a great win.
B) Smile knowingly to bluff him into not capturing her.
C) Announce mate in eight.
D) Tell him of an obscure rule about taking back moves that he’s too young to know about.
You will sacrifice your Queen only:
A) When you see a forced mate.
B) As a last attempt in a losing game.
C) For an overwhelming positional advantage.
D) When it rips open your opponent’s position ...Let the pieces fall where they may!
For an open file on your opponent’s King you would sacrifice:
A) A pawn.
B) A minor piece.
C) A major piece.
D) Your soul.
You might consider the Caro-Kann defence (yawn ...) when:
A) Playing against e4.
B) Playing against someone you knew was unbooked.
C) Playing a non-tournament game.
D) You’ve had a mind crippling stroke.
When you first spot a winning combination, appropriate behaviour would be to:
A) Look at your clock to see how much time you can spend checking it out.
B) Giggle.
C) Drool while laughing gruffly under your breath.
D) Laugh out loud while raising your hand and pointing.
ANSWER KEY – Scoring A=0, B=1, C=3, D=5
0 to 12 Conscientious objector.
You are a pacifist in the war game of chess. Negotiating a draw is your biggest thrill. Should you accidentally
win, you feel obligated to buy your opponent lunch.
13 to 26 Innocent bystander.
You’ll pick up wins if they fall in your lap.
27 to 39 Reluctant aggressor.
You’ll do the “aggression thing” when backed into a corner, or when your wife tells you its time to leave and
finish up your stupid game. (“Yes, dear”)
40 to 56 Rambo aggressor.
You don’t play defences, just offences minus a tempo. You like Openings with names like “The BlackmarDiemer Gambit”, “The Fried Liver Attack”, “The Can Opener”, or “The Berserker”.
57 to 60 Psycho.
Congratulations! You are the “Main Man”.
A danger to yourself and others. At home you kill small animals or low-rated chess players for amusement. All
of your opponents are beaten within 20 moves, or they get beaten on the side of the head ...Their choice!
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Irish Chess Journal