Grace-based Parenting from page 1
Parents are pledging to look in faith for what? Salvation. Their child needs salvation. There are covenant promises to be claimed( Gen 17:7; Acts 2:39). They must be believed if the child is to be saved. The benefits of grace are received by faith:“ by grace you have been saved through faith”( Eph 2:8). Taking the first two vows together, because I understand the human condition into which my child was born( original sin), I recognize his / her need of the benefits of Christ and the Spirit( salvation), and my responsibility to trust the promises of God in Christ. Okay? Then what?
Means
Since these things are so, the parents must utilize the God-given means to bring their children to Christ. To trust the promises of God and do nothing is fatalism. To leave their salvation“ in God’ s hands” while abandoning the responsibility to guide them spiritually is sinful negligence. Hence vow # 3 follows vows # 1 and # 2.
Do you now unreservedly dedicate your child to God, and promise, in humble reliance upon divine grace, that you will endeavor to set before( him / her) a godly example, that you will pray with and for( him / her), and you will teach( him / her) the doctrines of our holy religion, and that you will strive, by all the means of Gods’ appointment, to bring( him / her) up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord?
Notice the“ humble reliance upon divine grace” that describes the context in which the vow is taken. Both the parents and the child need God’ s grace if a child is to be reared properly. Parents promise to provide a“ godly example.” This requires God’ s grace. Parents promise to“ pray with and for” their children. This too requires God’ s grace. Parents teach them“ the doctrines of our holy religion.” This also requires God’ s grace. Parents promise to use“ all the means of God’ s appointment.” This requires God’ s grace as well. We parents are weak and foolish, inconsistent and compromised. We need God’ s grace if ever we are to rear our children faithfully. We need grace, and our approach is determined by what we call the“ doctrines of grace,” of human depravity and God’ s initiative in salvation. Grace shapes the whole endeavor.
Next time we’ ll look more carefully at each promise of this third vow. For now we’ ll merely note the concluding clause of the vow, the promise to“ bring( him / her) up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” These two beautiful old English words, based on the KJV of Ephesians 6:2, have more recently been translated“ discipline and instruction”( ESV, NASB), or“ training and instruction”( NIV). They represent the negative and positive poles of parenting. Children need correction and teaching. Why? Because“ foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child.” How is it to be removed?“ The rod of discipline drives it far away( Prov 22:15). Previous generations understood this.“ Spare the rod and spoil the child,” was a universally accepted piece of folk wisdom. It is also an authoritative piece of biblical wisdom:
Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.( Prov 13:24)
If we love our children we will diligently discipline them. Properly applied discipline is even associated by Proverbs with salvation:
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Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.
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If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol.( Prov 23:13, 14)
“ Break their wills,” said John Wesley,“ that you may save their souls.” John Witherspoon, the only minister to sign the Declaration of Independence( and a Presbyterian minister at that!) maintained that discipline should commence at 8-9 months and be completed by 12-14 months! He was concerned that discipline would become“ too severe” if delayed. If that seems unreasonable, how about by age 3? By then, I would think 90 % of all childhood discipline should be complete. The household should be calm, quiet, and happy, as opposed to an endless stream of whining, fussing, argument, and defiance.
With human beings there are countless variables. Rearing children is an art, not a science. There are no parenting cookiecutters or formulas. Yet there are some universal principles to guide us. What do we need if we are to rear our children aright? Wisdom. Patience. Selflessness. Grace. Parents need grace and their children need grace, and the process must be grace-shaped if the goals of Christian parenting are to be reached.
TLJ
INTERN CORNER
We ' ve recently had a Christmas Party, a Christmas Tree Burn,
A Valentine ' s Day Social, and a camping trip! We have served with Urban Hope and The Living Vine, and all this alongside weekly small groups and large group Bible study meetings. We ' ve been busy among the twenties demographic at I. P. C.! Please pray that the Lord continues to bless our fellowship, our service, and our Bible studies. The group seems to be growing, but please continue to pray that the Lord would only add to our number daily!
— Tim Shaw
PAGE 2 MARCH 2017 IPC