Grace-based Parenting from page 1
Parents are pledging to look in faith for what ? Salvation . Their child needs salvation . There are covenant promises to be claimed ( Gen 17:7 ; Acts 2:39 ). They must be believed if the child is to be saved . The benefits of grace are received by faith : “ by grace you have been saved through faith ” ( Eph 2:8 ). Taking the first two vows together , because I understand the human condition into which my child was born ( original sin ), I recognize his / her need of the benefits of Christ and the Spirit ( salvation ), and my responsibility to trust the promises of God in Christ . Okay ? Then what ?
Means
Since these things are so , the parents must utilize the God-given means to bring their children to Christ . To trust the promises of God and do nothing is fatalism . To leave their salvation “ in God ’ s hands ” while abandoning the responsibility to guide them spiritually is sinful negligence . Hence vow # 3 follows vows # 1 and # 2 .
Do you now unreservedly dedicate your child to God , and promise , in humble reliance upon divine grace , that you will endeavor to set before ( him / her ) a godly example , that you will pray with and for ( him / her ), and you will teach ( him / her ) the doctrines of our holy religion , and that you will strive , by all the means of Gods ’ appointment , to bring ( him / her ) up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord ?
Notice the “ humble reliance upon divine grace ” that describes the context in which the vow is taken . Both the parents and the child need God ’ s grace if a child is to be reared properly . Parents promise to provide a “ godly example .” This requires God ’ s grace . Parents promise to “ pray with and for ” their children . This too requires God ’ s grace . Parents teach them “ the doctrines of our holy religion .” This also requires God ’ s grace . Parents promise to use “ all the means of God ’ s appointment .” This requires God ’ s grace as well . We parents are weak and foolish , inconsistent and compromised . We need God ’ s grace if ever we are to rear our children faithfully . We need grace , and our approach is determined by what we call the “ doctrines of grace ,” of human depravity and God ’ s initiative in salvation . Grace shapes the whole endeavor .
Next time we ’ ll look more carefully at each promise of this third vow . For now we ’ ll merely note the concluding clause of the vow , the promise to “ bring ( him / her ) up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord .” These two beautiful old English words , based on the KJV of Ephesians 6:2 , have more recently been translated “ discipline and instruction ” ( ESV , NASB ), or “ training and instruction ” ( NIV ). They represent the negative and positive poles of parenting . Children need correction and teaching . Why ? Because “ foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child .” How is it to be removed ? “ The rod of discipline drives it far away ( Prov 22:15 ). Previous generations understood this . “ Spare the rod and spoil the child ,” was a universally accepted piece of folk wisdom . It is also an authoritative piece of biblical wisdom :
Whoever spares the rod hates his son , but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him . ( Prov 13:24 )
If we love our children we will diligently discipline them . Properly applied discipline is even associated by Proverbs with salvation :
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Do not withhold discipline from a child ; if you strike him with a rod , he will not die .
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If you strike him with the rod , you will save his soul from Sheol . ( Prov 23:13 , 14 )
“ Break their wills ,” said John Wesley , “ that you may save their souls .” John Witherspoon , the only minister to sign the Declaration of Independence ( and a Presbyterian minister at that !) maintained that discipline should commence at 8-9 months and be completed by 12-14 months ! He was concerned that discipline would become “ too severe ” if delayed . If that seems unreasonable , how about by age 3 ? By then , I would think 90 % of all childhood discipline should be complete . The household should be calm , quiet , and happy , as opposed to an endless stream of whining , fussing , argument , and defiance .
With human beings there are countless variables . Rearing children is an art , not a science . There are no parenting cookiecutters or formulas . Yet there are some universal principles to guide us . What do we need if we are to rear our children aright ? Wisdom . Patience . Selflessness . Grace . Parents need grace and their children need grace , and the process must be grace-shaped if the goals of Christian parenting are to be reached .
TLJ
INTERN CORNER
We ' ve recently had a Christmas Party , a Christmas Tree Burn ,
A Valentine ' s Day Social , and a camping trip ! We have served with Urban Hope and The Living Vine , and all this alongside weekly small groups and large group Bible study meetings . We ' ve been busy among the twenties demographic at I . P . C .! Please pray that the Lord continues to bless our fellowship , our service , and our Bible studies . The group seems to be growing , but please continue to pray that the Lord would only add to our number daily !
— Tim Shaw
PAGE 2 MARCH 2017 IPC