“ Parents , Require Obedience of Your Children ”
* The following article by John Piper is used with permission from www . desiringGod . org ( originally posted Oct . 29 , 2013 ).
I
am writing this to plead with Christian parents to require obedience of their children . I am moved to write this by watching your children pay no attention to their parents ’ requests , with no consequences . Parents tell a child two or three times to sit or stop and come or go , and after the third disobedience , they laughingly bribe the child . This may or may not get the behavior desired .
Last week , I saw two things that prompted this article . One was the killing of 13-year-old Andy Lopez in Santa Rosa , California , by police who thought he was about to shoot them with an assault rifle . It was a toy gun . What made this relevant was that the police said they told the boy two times to drop the gun . Instead he turned it on them . They fired .
I do not know the details of that situation or if Andy even heard the commands . So I can ’ t say for sure he was insubordinate . So my point here is not about young Lopez himself . It ’ s about a “ what if .” What if he heard the police , and simply defied what they said ? If that is true , it cost him his life . Such would be the price of disobeying proper authority .
A Tragedy in the Making
I witnessed such a scenario in the making on a plane last week . I watched a mother preparing her son to be shot .
I was sitting behind her and her son , who may have been seven years old . He was playing on his digital tablet . The flight attendant announced that all electronic devices should be turned off for takeoff . He didn ’ t turn it off . The mother didn ’ t require it . As the flight attendant walked by , she said he needed to turn it off and kept moving . He didn ’ t do it . The mother didn ’ t require it .
One last time , the flight attendant stood over them and said that the boy would need to give the device to his mother . He turned it off . When the flight attendant took her seat , the boy turned his device back on , and kept it on through the takeoff . The mother did nothing . I thought to myself , she is training him to be shot by police .
Rescue from Foolish Parenting
The defiance and laziness of unbelieving parents I can understand . I have biblical categories of the behavior of the spiritually blind . But the neglect of Christian parents perplexes me .
What is behind the failure to require and receive obedience ? I ’ m not sure . But it may be that these nine observations will help rescue some parents from the folly of laissez-faire parenting .
1 . Requiring obedience of children is implicit in the biblical requirement that children obey their parents .
“ Children obey your parents in the Lord , for this is right ” ( Ephesians 6:1 ). It makes no sense that God would require children to obey parents and yet not require parents to require obedience from the children . It is part of our job — to teach children the glory of a happy , submissive spirit to authorities that God has put in place . Parents represent God to small children , and it is deadly to train children to ignore the commands of God .
2 . Obedience is a new-covenant , gospel category .
Obedience is not merely a “ legal ” category . Paul said that his gospel aim was “ to bring about the doctrines of faith ” ( Romans 1:5 ). He said , “ I will not venture to speak of anything except what Christ has accomplished through me to bring the Gentiles to obedience — by word and deed ” ( Romans 15:18 ).
Paul ’ s aim was to “ take every thought captive to obey Christ ” ( 2 Corinthians 10:5 ). He required it of the churches . “ If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter , take note of that person , and have nothing to do with him ” ( 2 Thessalonians 3:14 ).
Parents who do not teach their children to obey God ’ s appointed authorities prepare them for a life out of step with
God ’ s word — a life out of step with the very gospel they desire to emphasize .
( If anyone doubts how crucial this doctrine is , please consider Wayne Grudem ’ s chapter , “ Pleasing God by Our Obedience : A Neglected New Testament Teaching ” in For the Fame of God ’ s Name , edited by Justin Taylor and Sam Storms .)
3 . Requiring obedience of children is possible .
To watch parents act as if they are helpless in the presence of disobedient children is pitiful . God requires that children obey only because it is possible for parents to require obedience . Little children , under a year old , can be shown effectively what they may not touch , bite , pull , poke , spit out , or shriek about . You are bigger than they are . Use your size to save them for joy , not sentence them to selfishness .
4 . Requiring obedience should be practiced at home on inconsequential things so that it is possible in public on consequential things .
One explanation why children are out of control in public is that they have not been taught to obey at home . One reason for this is that many things at home don ’ t seem worth the battle . It ’ s easier to do it ourselves than to take the time and effort to deal with a child ’ s unwillingness to do it . But this simply trains children that obedience anywhere is optional . Consistency in requiring obedience at home will help your children be enjoyable in public .
5 . It takes effort to require obedience , and it is worth it .
If you tell a child to stay in bed and he gets up anyway , it is simply easier to say , go back to bed , than to get up and deal with disobedience . Parents are tired . I sympathize . For more than 40 years I ’ ve had children under eighteen . Requiring obedience takes energy , both physically and emotionally . It is easier simply to let the children have their way .
The result ? Uncontrollable children when it matters . They have learned how to
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