Introduction to Mindfulness_349810_bookemon_ebook.pdf Coaching and Practising Mindfulness | Page 63

and often this skill alone is sufficient to totally change the whole
reactive dynamic between two people.

2. Reframing
The next phase of MMT involves changing how we view the reaction
and associated emotional energy. This is called “reframing” and is one
of a number of skills that is taught in the psychological science of
Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and which is another chief
modality used in MMT. Normally, (ie when we are unaware) we
blindly identify with emotional reactions and literally become the
reaction. When a reaction of feeling hurt arises we become the
emotional reaction of hurting. Anger arises and we become angry. We
say "I am upset," or "I am angry?" because we literally take on the
entire identity of the emotion. During reframing, we learn to stop this
automatic process of subjective identification and see the reaction as
simply an object that is not self, but simply a phenomenon that has
arisen in our consciousness due to various causes and conditions.
When the reaction of feeling upset arises, we now see it as an object
within us, rather like a bubble rising in a pond. The bubble is not the
pond, but simply an object that arises within the pond and the
emotion is not our self, but simply a small part that arises within our
experience. After reframing the emotion, we learn to say, "I notice a
feeling of hurting within me" or "I notice anger arising in my mind."
This is a very important step, because it counteracts the habitual
tendency to react and opens up a sense of space and choices around
the emotion. You cannot relate to something with any sense of
presence and engagement if you are gripped by reactivity: reactivity
inhibits relationship. Only when you can form a pure and direct
relationship with an experience, including emotional suffering, will
presence and engagement be possible and without complete presence,
nothing can change.

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