International Lifestyle Magazine Issue 50 | Page 73

To move Tina on it was important to establish why she felt she needed this affirmation from her parents to continue and be completely happy with her life. By her making the decision that she did need to deal with this then we were able to move her onto making some positive steps towards establishing a different and healthier kind of relationship with her parents.

Here are some of the techniques we worked on together:1. Establish whether this is something you really need to deal with Sometimes dredging up the past can have a negative affect on you, however, if you really feel that this is holding you back from being completely happy in your future then it’s certainly a good idea to deal with it. Here is a good way to start thinking about the relationship in a constructive way. Think about and write down how the relationshi p with your parent/s has affected you so far. How has it held you back? How has it influenced who you have become? What did you learn from your parents? How have they influenced what you believe about yourself? Write a list of positive and negative effects they have had on your life. The negatives are things that you can work on to banish once you have uncovered them. 2. Decide how to deal with the side effects There are various options open to you. Ideally you should have a frank, honest, open conversation with them about the positives and negatives you feel they have had on your life. If you are going into this discussion face to face then make sure you have written down what you want to say first. Highlight the positives to them first and then move onto the more negative effects. Decide prior to talking to them what you want to gain from the discussion. Are you looking for an apology, do you want them to change their behaviour in the future or do you not care whether you get a response or not? Is it that you just want to let them know how you feel? When you?re ready to have the discussion with them then it?s good to have it somewhere neutral, maybe in a park, café, etc. This is a good way to help take some of the emotion out of the situation. If you can’t deal with having a face to face then you need to find another way to communicate with them. A good old fashioned letter can also have the same effect as a face to face discussion but be aware that you can’t hide from having real contact with them about it at some point in order to be able to move forwards. Remember, this is all about taking control of the relationship so you’re going to have to put yourself out there and do things that make you feel uncomfortable. 3. Move on Regardless of the outcome you should feel proud of yourself that you have taken control and should give yourself a huge pat on the back. Make a pact with yourself that you will now move on with your life Remind yourself of all the great things you’ve got going for yourself by writing a list of them. Re-read this to yourself for the next 2 weeks until you start appreciating how great your life really is. If you don’t have your ideal life right now then decide what it looks like. Write it up and stick it on the wall and start making positive steps towards it now. “The sessions have been great. I can now finally move on and stop being help back by my relationship with my parents. I’m no longer the victim and have taken the control back.. I am a successful woman with a great life.”

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