International Lifestyle Magazine Issue 49 | Page 53

N U RT U R E E F F E C T I V E LY
WORDS: REBEKAH FENSOME
Shelia, 29 a single parent from London had her first child, Tom, 6 months ago and was finding it hard to get a healthy balance between paying her child attention and backing off so he could explore freely and not feel molly coddled. All her friends had different theories in how to be a good parent and she was confused about what was best. Her mother was really strict with her as a child and she really didn’t want to be like this with her son but at the same time she didn’t want Tom to think that she didn’t care and that he could get away with things. Here are some of the techniques we discussed together in order for Sheila to feel like she was being a good mother and be assured that she was nurturing Tom so he became independent and confident with a high self esteem: 1. Understand your child’s personality Be aware of who you child is. From an early age you can start to see what their personality traits are. Don’t place your own prejudices and ideas of what you want them to be on them. It’s important you let them grow and enhance their natural characteristics. By doing this you are displaying that you recognize them as an individual and so as an effect increase their real self image and identity. 2. Nurture their strong points Recognise what your child is good and bad at. Concentrate on what they’re good at by creating opportunities for them to perform their skills so they can succeed, rather than chastising them on their bad points. This is damaging for their self-confidence and can be really harmful, often resulting in them having the belief of “Nothing I do is good enough.” 3. Be patient Being patient and encouraging your child is better than chastising them if they are not performing as quickly on tasks as you would like. 4. Be aware of sibling rivalry If you have more than one child then don’t compare them. This is damaging to their identities. As mentioned above everyone is different and your children will be too. Don’t voice comparison to them and don’t encourage competitiveness. 5. Be an active listener Children are not stupid so they know if you’re not really listening to them. This just makes them think you’re not interested and can annoy them. As a result they can become needy and indulge in attention seeking behaviours. If your child wants to talk to you then if you can stop what you’re doing to ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????e????????????????
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