Inspirit Magazine November 2013 | Page 28

Another barrier for the victim to leaving might be her/his feelings.

• The victim may still love her/his partner or the person she/he first fell in love with and she/he remains hopeful that it can still work out.

• The victim believes that she/he is the only one who can help the abuser overcome his/her “problem” or “bad temper.”

• The victim is depressed, making it difficult to take action.

• The children love their father/mother and don’t want to leave their school, home, or friends.

• The victim may believe that as long as the children have a roof over their heads, food on the table, and clothes on their backs, she/he can stand the abuse.

Another barrier for the victim leaving might be beliefs about marriage and relationships.

• The victim believes that what happens in one’s family is a private matter. No one, including law enforcement, judicial system, neighbors, co-workers, friends, or extended family should get involved.

• The victim believes that children need two parents in the home regardless of the situation. The victim may believe that she/he can stand the abuse as long as the abuser doesn’t abuse the children.

• The victim has strong religious beliefs about marriage and church, and clergy people encourage her/him to stay and work it out.

• The victim believes in rigid female/male roles in relationships where the male is “king of his castle” and has the right to do whatever he wants in his own home.

• The victim believes that it is the woman’s responsibility to make the relationship work.

Another barrier for the victim leaving might be lack of resources and support.

• Victims lack resources to leave abusive partners and start new lives. This includes affordable and dignified housing, child care, health care, and adequate paid employment.

• Oppressed populations feel the impact of pervasive racism and negative experiences with societal systems and may not trust judicial personnel, law enforcement, or social service, and community agency representatives.

• Abusers suffer little or no consequences -- there lives remain virtually unchanged -- while the victims continually are disrupted, relocated, and forced to leave their homes, neighborhoods, family, friends, job, and schools in an effort to keep safe.

http://www.cobar.org/index.cfm/ID/21090