he just didn ’ t know how to love anyone , including himself .”
Dr . Shellie : It ’ s wonderful that you were so insightful .
Zulaikha : Thank you . It ’ s something that happened to him that made him incapable of expressing himself appropriately . We ’ re all human , and no one starts out that way . It ’ s all learned behavior .
Dr . Shellie : Because this is learned behavior , do you think it can be reversed ?
Zulaikha : I totally believe that . I think people can change . You shouldn ’ t necessarily count people out , even when they ’ ve done wrong , but at the same time , the priority should always be on the victim , to preserve their well-being and self-esteem . And you can ’ t break yourself trying to fix somebody else who ’ s broken .
Dr . Shellie : What happened if someone completed the program and then returned to the situation ? Zulaikha : That was tough , but you have to remember that it ’ s never your fault . Some people weren ’ t successful . They would go back to their abuser , and maybe we would never see them again . You would feel sort of disappointed too , like I became friends with this person , because I ’ m like you , I believe in friendship .
Photo : Gabriela DiMuro
Dr . Shellie : What was it like as a teenager going to work at the shelter ?
Zulaikha : When I first started working at the shelter , I felt really cool and adventurous , because we had a whole procedure to going in there . We weren ’ t allowed to get dropped off in front of the crisis house ; we had to go down the street and wait till there were no cars . Then we could walk up the little private entrance drive . It was just like a house , basically , that had lockdown doors and alarms .
Dr . Shellie : How did those in the shelter react to a teenager coming to help them ?
Zulaikha : When I first started working there , I knew they were tuning me out . And I remember one day this girl said “ It ’ s not that we don ’ t know that you ’ re different . We know you ’ re going to come here and talk to us and then just go back to your happy life . What would you know about any of this ?”
Dr . Shellie : What did you tell her ? Zulaikha : I didn ’ t have a response . I knew people who had been through things , and I had been through things in my life , but it was nowhere near the scale of what some of these people had gone through . Even those my age or younger , who were the children of the women in that shelter , were wise beyond their years . They had seen so much , and some of them had an attitude that you couldn ’ t tell them anything . That ’ s where a lot of people would give up or get frustrated and say they ’ re lost causes .
Dr . Shellie : So what did you do ?
Zulaikha : I knew the girl was right . I went home . I was embarrassed . I was upset . I told my mom that these people don ’ t listen to me . Then I asked my director if there was a spare bed so I could stay there and see what it ’ s like .
Dr . Shellie : And you stayed in the shelter with them .
Zulaikha : Yes . There was one bed , the bottom bunk of a bunkbed . After a while , I became friends with the girl in the other bunk . She was amazing . I didn ’ t find out till I had already become her friend that she was a prostitute . It was irrelevant .
Dr . Shellie : Yes . Zulaikha : She was so beautiful , and I remember when she first told me what she did , she was like , “ I ’ m a dancer .” Then there was an awkward pause , but not because of me . It was like she felt awkward telling me , and I busted out laughing . Then she felt more at ease .
80 INSPIRING LIVES WINTER 2017