While all of these pieces relate to education, what spoke to me most as an educator is the section on“ no ultimatums.” In fact, there is an entire section entitled,“ How the Danes Use No Ultimatums in School.” This idea flies in the face of everything I learned in my teacher preparatory classes. There, we became experts at making reward programs for individuals, small groups, and whole classes. We learned how to find a child’ s“ currency” and use it to make a child behave by giving and taking away based on a set of criteria. And what teacher hasn’ t been in this type of power struggle,“ you need to _______ right now, or else you will lose recess time!”
After reading this book, I have changed my language and approach to conflict with all children, and it’ s already working.
After reading this book, I have changed my language and approach to conflict with all children, and it’ s already working. As an interventionist, I take students from all classrooms – and they are often the ones with the“ naughty” reputations. Yesterday, I was waiting patiently for the class of my student to walk in the large front doors from recess. As they did, I observed my little student begin to scale the railing of the handicapped ramp in the foyer. He had to have been 4 feet off the ground when I walked over to him. He looked at me as if he expected me to wag my finger at him and tell him to“ get down or else.” But I didn’ t say that. I approached him with empathy and said,“ I’ m just so worried about you. Come down here where it’ s safe.” Then I offered him my hand, and down he came. He said to me,“ I think I was okay up there.” That was my opening to dialogue with him about the importance of school rules in a calm, conversational tone. No power struggle. No ultimatums. Just empathy.
Oh, and it works for my toddler, too!
If you are an educator or parent of children of any age, I strongly recommend that you read this book immediately. It causes you to reevaluate your outlook and it reframes your thinking about how you interact with children. It brings the promise of peace and happiness to parent or educator relationships with the children in your life.
Meet Genevieve
Genevieve Pastor Arcovio has fourteen years of experience as a literacy specialist and literacy coach in upstate New York. She is trained in Reading Recovery and has a passion for designing professional development. She partners with friend and colleague, Rhonda, to blog about all things literacy. Rhonda has eighteen years experience as both a classroom teacher and literacy specialist. You can find their blog at literacypages. wordpress. com, or visit them on their Facebook page LiteracyPages.
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