LOVE and LOST LOVE
When Valentine’s Day is Hard
By GARY ROE
A
h, Valentine’s Day. A day
celebrating love and romance.
A day for cards, chocolate, and
flowers. A day of hope, or perhaps
disappointment.
All of us are wired to love
and be loved. No wonder this
day touches us deeply. We long
to hear or read the words, “Be
my Valentine.”
But what if we’ve lost
someone? What if our Valentine
is gone? This day of hearts,
chocolate, and flowers can be
one of sadness – a reminder of
loss that brings pain instead of
joy.
Death, divorce, abuse,
estrangement, or loneliness
can turn Valentine’s Day into
an emotional minefield. We
long for what we had, or grieve
what we never got. We’re angry
about how things are. Add
some guilt into the mix, and
the day can become a recipe for
discouragement, depression,
and despair.
If Valentine’s Day is
challenging for you, what can
you do?
Many people choose the
easiest option: hide and wait it
out. This is perhaps our most
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natural reflex when wounded
and hurting. But it’s not healthy,
and we know it.
Others choose to run. Some
run into another’s arms. Others
flee to someone or something to
deaden the pain. This, of course,
is another form of hiding, and
therefore not a good option.
There is a third possibility:
Use Valentine’s Day instead of
letting it use you. Meet the day
head on, and use it to help you
heal and grow.
How? Here are four
suggestions:
Make the decision to face
the day and do something
positive with it. The Grinch
couldn’t stop Christmas from
coming, you won’t be able to
stop Valentine’s Day either. How
can you use the day in a way that
fits where you are right now?
Make proactive
choices. You get to decide w