attention. But it’s not the attention we want, and if
anything, it’s just going to make things worse in the
long run.
“The angrier and more upset you become, the more
of a stressor you become, the more distant they’ll be,”
says Yates.
“When you dilute yourself by becoming dependent,
you’re no longer the person you were when you got
together,” says Yates. His strategy is to work the supply and demand angle of relationships. If there’s not
enough of you to go around, your value goes up. Yates
says it’s surprisingly effective.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?
A little less conversation: “If talking isn’t working for
you, stop talking,” says Yates.
Bringing up an issue over and over isn’t going to fix
anything if it didn’t do it the first time. Take a little indirect action instead. If they’ve gone out for a night on
the town, do the same. Go see your friends, rediscover
your old hobbies and don’t be afraid of spending time
on your own. Basically, make yourself scarce.
It isn’t just you: Don’t feel like it’s just you on Valentine’s
Day wondering how to get things straightened out.
“No normal person doesn’t think they have something
abnormal going on at home,” says Yates. This kind of
problem is typical, enough so that counselors like
Yates find their schedules filled to the brim with the
broken hearted and despondent, the confused and
the lonely. ✤
Visit Richard Yates at his website, wiseromance.com, where you can find more of his tips
for a variety of dating situations, or check out his videos at wiseromancetv.com.
INSIGHT
February 2014
15