insideKENT Magazine Issue 95 - February 2020 | Page 104

HEALTH+WELLNESS
WHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP HURTS, OR RATHER, WHEN YOU HURT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP,
WHETHER BECAUSE YOU ARE UNHAPPY OR BECAUSE YOU WANT TO IMPROVE A CERTAIN AREA
OF IT, SEEK HELP FROM A RELATIONSHIP EXPERT.
UNDERSTANDING
RELATIONAL COACHING
& EMPOWERMENT
BY HAYA S. KALECHMAN RELATIONSHIP EXPERT COACH
Typically, couple’s work will benefit people that are
unable to set and keep boundaries, that can’t talk to
each other without fighting, that have drifted away
from each other, that have lost the purpose or the
spark of their relationship, or that want to transition
harmoniously into a new phase of their relationship
(think retirement, menopause, illness or disability).
Couple’s work is also very beneficial to people who
have decided to separate peacefully and certainly to
people about to commit to a long term relationship,
as a form of “preventive medicine”.
There are many modalities of couple’s work to
choose from.
The best expert/coach/therapist, and the best one
for you, will help you identify the “real” issues (as
opposed to what you may think they are) that have
led you to the situation you’re in, and help you design
solutions to resolve those issues, while making sure
that you both feel heard, safe and supported.
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Issues and solutions are to be understood and applied
at a personal level as well as at a relational level. That
means that each partner has to do their own personal
work in undoing detrimental patterns they have
brought from their past into the relationship and
that both partners have to work together to create new,
healthier and more harmonious ways of being, loving
and communicating.
In my experience, those solutions can often be very
simple and practical, if not always comfortable
to implement (because it’s not easy to change
your habits).
My take on what you actually need to do efficient
relational work is simple.
First and foremost, both of you need to deeply desire
to engage in relational work. Creating and sustaining
a great relationship demands regular intention and
attention. Then, you’ll need to be willing to be (kindly
and lovingly) challenged by your coach, to step out
of your comfort zone, to learn to create more safety
and compassion with and for each other and to
accept to feel vulnerable and to be(come) honest.
Finally, both of you will need to commit to be
held accountable for the improvement your
relationship’s health.
Relational empowerment work, as I conceive it,
works not only on the whole person but on the
relationship as a whole. It offers emotional, mental,
spiritual and practical strategies and tools to create
and sustain healthy and fulfilling relationships. It
supports you in bringing your full presence, your
full awareness, your full intention and your full power
into becoming able to help one another deliver what
each other needs and desires from your relationship.
Once you are in your relational power; that is once
you have committed to standing toe to toe with each
other and to do your very best to insist on healthy
intimacy between you, then you can create and
sustain the relationship you are truly longing for.