ARE YOU LOOKING FOR LOVE in 2021 ?
AND WHY SHOULDN ’ T YOU , AFTER THE YEAR WE ’ VE HAD . IF WE ’ VE LEARNED ANYTHING THIS YEAR , IT ’ S THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING ABLE TO SEE FRIENDS , FAMILY AND LOVED ONES . BUT WHAT IS LOVE OR AT LEAST WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO YOU ? BY TINA WALKER
Do you dream about walking off into the sunset with your soulmate to live happy ever after , or imagine that love means loving people unconditionally , or is it basically just a lot of hard work and heartache ? Whatever it is , it does seem to be something that most of us are all striving for . There are thousands of songs , books and films written about love , so it must be pretty important , right ?
When looking for love , there can be a tendency to look through rose-tinted glasses , looking for the fairytale romance with thunder bolts , where we ’ re whisked off our feet etc . etc . Which is ok , but what happens when the ‘ honeymoon period ’ is over ? Is someone quite so attractive and irresistible after a few months when you really get to know them as they really are ? Can you still love them , faults and all ? How do we cope when the honeymoon period starts to fade ? Differences can be quite challenging to manoeuvre through . This is where the hard work begins . When you ask people in long term relationships what the key is in staying together , they quite often say it ’ s about compromise and that it ’ s not all plain sailing .
Let ’ s explore more about the qualities we might search for in a relationship .
Are you able to respect each other and accept each other ’ s differences ? If entering a new relationship , there may be some non-negotiables for you to consider , such as how your ‘ would-be ’ partner deals with money or how she or he treats other people . In this instance , you may not be compatible but most other differences can be worked through . These other differences could be seen as your negotiables .
Ask yourself if you actually listen to your partner . When irate or upset , it can be tempting to over react , catasrophise and interrupt , whilst others may walk away or remain silent . Neither are particularly helpful but fact is , there will be arguments and disagreements in relationships , it ’ s healthy . By allowing the other person to talk without interrupting , we will hear a lot more .
Compromise , loyalty , kindness and a sense of humour often come up when asked what ‘ the secret ’ is , but don ’ t we know this already ? Sounds obvious , doesn ’ t it ? So why are we still not taking that in ? We seem to be living in a fast paced society ( well , prior to lockdown !) where we can basically get anything we want with a click of a button , including relationships . Which we can also dispose of at the click of a button , literally . Online dating is very popular and can be successful but with so many people to choose from , it can be tricky to decide what we really want from someone . A helpful way to discover this is to think about your own qualities , values , morals , dreams and ambitions . If you are the kind of person that wants to go off travelling long term or go back to college , how will this affect a new relationship ? Would you like someone to travel with or have you already decided you would like to do this on your own ? It ’ s perfectly ok to have separate interests too , it ’ s all about balance .
It ’ s also important to voice your wishes , needs and intentions . It may sound selfish but it really isn ’ t . Self love and self care are important . On the subject of self love , how do you rate yourself ? You ’ ve probably heard this many times before , but if you don ’ t love yourself , how can you expect anyone else to love you ?
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