the 19th hole
8 things that non-golfers
find mystifying about golf
Michael Green
[email protected]
@AussieGolfer
I
t’s not until I introduce some new golfers
to the game that I remember how
intimidating a golf club can be. The game
of golf itself is difficult enough but it comes
with a mind-bogglingly complicated rule
book and a bizarre set of extra quirks that
very few of us dare to question, if we even
notice them at all.
To those poor people who look at golf
like it’s some sort of alien invention, its a
bewildering activity. They’re more likely to
want to understand quantum physics or the
thought processes of Clive Palmer than the
nuances of golf.
And when you step back and break down
the aspects of the game that the golf-less
find puzzling, you can start to see why.
Etiquette
Don’t walk on the line of the putt, don’t
stand behind someone who is hitting, get the
flag-stick if you’re closest to the hole, watch
your shadow. Few sports (and games) have
such a long list of rules that have no direct
bearing on the score. The golf-less can barely
comprehend the long and complicated rule
book, let alone these extra ones that aren’t
even in there.
Proper attire
Quiet
The requirement to wear a collared shirt is
just one from the long list of dress regulations
needed to step foot on (most) golf courses,
and it baffles a non-golfer. It sits alongside
white socks (of specific lengths), no cargo
shorts, no sneakers, no jeans and the tucked in
shirt. Adhering to these rules not only gets us
a game at the posh golf club down the road,
but it makes it bleedingly obvious what you’ve
been doing all day as you stand in line to pay
for your petrol on the way home.
Non-golfers will occasionally ponder why
you need to keep quiet while someone is
playing a golf shot. Tennis is often mentioned
in the next breath. It’s tempting to explain
that we could all happily play with noise, but
it’s the unexpected noise that may lead to
more twitches. But these are non-golfers we’re
talking about here.
Crazy clothing
Despite all these regulations, there is a full
range of clothing that is still somehow par for
the course, so to speak. Ironically, what can
pass as golf clothing around the club, you
wouldn’t dare don anywhere other than on a
golf course. Golf-less folk are surprised to find
plaid pants, loud shirts, fancy shoes and white
belts at the opp shop, let alone a golf course.
Handicaps
Some non-golfers seem to have some idea
that lower is better when it comes to handicaps
but conversations usually go like this;
“What’s your handicap?”, someone might
ask as you arrive late for the party after a long
Saturday round. “Uh, 15”, you reply.
“Oh, ok. Is that good?”
Acceptable attire on the course - like Rickie
Fowler’s US Open tribute to Payne Stewart - is
one aspect that can utterly baffle the nongolfer. (Photo: USGA/John Mummert)
Thank goodness very few non-golfers heard
about the Stableford scoring system.
The addiction
Watching golf
In a world featuring such myriad of sports,
games and hobbies (that are often far less time
consuming), why is it that someone can get so
addicted to it? Why do you have so much trouble
getting out of bed at 7am to go to work, but will
happily don the plaid pants to go play golf at
6am? The problem with answering the question
is that i 8