CHARACTER EDUCATION
The father of person-centred psychotherapy, Carl Rogers, defined empathy as being able to‘ perceive the internal frame of reference of another with accuracy and with the emotional components and meanings which pertain thereto as if one were the person, but without ever losing the‘ as if’ condition’( 1959). Crucial to the notion of being empathic therefore is actively seeking to understand the other person’ s frame of reference, which means to‘ look out of their window’ and to see things as they do given the context of their experiences. Thus, being truly empathic is always about the other person and their frame of reference, not ours. A common mistake occurs when we try to display empathy by considering how we would feel in the speaker’ s shoes, but we inadvertently do so from our frame of reference and perspective, not theirs. Being empathic also means we must put aside our views and values, gently enter another’ s private world without judgement or prejudice, and be a confident companion( Rogers, 1975). By seeking to understand the speaker from their frame of reference, we are communicating that we are trying to understand them at a deeper level and that we care. Hence, empathy is essential for developing stronger and healthier social connections and relationships that have meaning and purpose( Demetriou, 2018).
Connecting with others: the importance of empathy and listening
Dr Paul Parham, Teacher of Mathematics
For many of us, the COVID-19 pandemic has highlighted just how much value we place on feeling connected to others, with the loss of social freedoms associated with lockdowns leading to a diverse set of mental health challenges. Empathy represents one of the most important ways we are able as humans to connect and feel close to others, but few of us are trained in understanding how to be more empathic. For teachers, however, the nature of our relationships with students, fellow staff members, and parents is undoubtedly influential on how successful we are in our role, as well as how much enjoyment and fulfilment we experience in the process.
Our ability to empathise has both genetic and environmental components, although research suggests that the genetic contribution decreases and environmental influence increases with age( Knafo and Plomin, 2006). Children who grow up in neglectful or abusive environments are more likely to develop weaker, more unstable emotional relationships as adults and an inability to empathise( Bowlby, 1969), while the healthiness of the attachment relationship between child and primary caregivers has also been shown to affect empathic abilities( Britton and Fuendeling, 2005). Thus, there is strong evidence that the ability to empathise can be learned and hence we can all improve our empathic skills. However, becoming more empathic cannot occur without developing our active listening skills. In active listening, we are not passive and simply hearing; we focus completely on the speaker and it is active because the listener has a role to play, namely to consciously decide to concentrate on and really understand what is being said, as well as the meanings and feelings behind the words. Examples of how we can improve our active listening skills include:
16