Infuse 5 September 2018 | Page 27

“Being at a higher weight than my perceived
‘optimal‘ is frustrating. On one hand, I know
that I‘m healthy and fit and that my weight
seems to like to sit at this point. On the other
hand, although it takes a lot of stress and a
lack of food to maintain, being at that lower
weight feels fantastic. I felt so good, but also
unhealthy and unsustainable. Last week, I
went through a lot of stress and decided to
forgo meals so that I could get drunk and
forget about the stress (something that I have
never done before). But I went back down to
that size that I was happy at; my jeans were
loose, and my stomach was flat, the rolls of
my stomach when I sat down weren’t so big.
I was unhappy because of the stress, but at
the same time I was incredibly happy with
my size. Now, I‘m eating normally, and my
size has gone back up, and I feel healthier,
but I also feel big and bulky and that I take
up too much space, and that I‘m not very
nice to look at. Sometimes I feel like it‘s a
choice between being unhealthy and happy
with my weight, and healthy and unhappy
with my weight. It‘s really frustrating, and I
don’t know what to do about it. I think I know,
realistically, that size doesn‘t really even
matter that much. I know that health and
happiness are the most important things. But
for me, it‘s different. I feel happy when I‘m
slim, so is it a trade-off between health
and happiness?
“My body image is at its worst when
I‘m in public. Sometimes I have good
days, but as soon as I go out and see
other people, I feel uncomfortable
again. I don‘t know if it‘s me comparing
myself to them, or if they just remind
me of what I don‘t look like. And I feel
so confused, because I don‘t think size
makes you a good or bad person, but
when I see girls who are slim I feel
so inadequate. Likewise, for when I
catch my reflection in windows; I can
be feeling great, but as soon as I see
my reflection that good feeling comes
crashing down and I want to disappear.
It seems so illogical, for my happiness
to be based on my appearance, but it is,
and I can‘t seem to help it.
“I often feel confused with my body image
because of what other people say about
my appearance. My boyfriend and friends
tell me that I look slim and fit, but most of
the time I don‘t feel it. Sometimes I wonder
if I‘m actually seeing the right reflection in
the mirror, if my body actually looks how I
see it, or if I‘m seeing something that my
brain is making me see. Like, I don‘t know if
I actually look like this.”
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Reference:
[1] Name is made up, to protect client confidentiality.
© Dietitian Connection
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Infuse | September 2018