FINANCIAL WELLBEING
OPPOSITES ATTRACT … UNTIL PAYDAY
BY KIM POTGIETER, CFP, AUTHOR, COACH AND MD AT CHARTERED WEALTH SOLUTIONS HOW TO MANAGE MONEY AS A COUPLE WHEN YOUR EARNINGS DIFFER.
In many relationships, one partner earns significantly more than the other. Sometimes the gap is temporary – the result of a career break, retrenchment, starting a business, or caring for children. In other cases, it reflects long-term differences in profession or earning potential. While love might not care about bank balances, money can introduce unexpected tensions, especially over who pays for what and how financial decisions are made.
MONEY IS EMOTIONAL, NOT JUST MATHEMATICAL
Money carries emotional weight. It represents security, independence, identity, and power. Financial behaviour is rarely neutral; it is shaped by upbringing, lived experience, and deeply held beliefs about worth and responsibility.
In practice, income imbalance can create silent strain. Some partners feel uncomfortable spending money they did not earn. Others feel the pressure of being the sole provider. In some relationships, one partner takes control of financial decisions, often unintentionally sidelining the other.
WHY SHARED PLANNING MATTERS
In my work, I often see how financial imbalance shifts the dynamic within a relationship. One client, for example, became the sole earner while her partner pursued a series of business ventures that never gained traction. Without shared financial accountability, the responsibility for funding their lifestyle and absorbing financial risk fell entirely on her.
In situations such as these, when a financial plan doesn’ t reflect shared commitment or shared decision-making, it becomes increasingly difficult to view money as“ ours” rather than“ mine” or“ theirs”. This is precisely why I insist on meeting with couples together. Being married means planning towards a secure future as a team. Both partners need to understand the plan, agree to the strategy, and support the day-to-day financial decisions that make it work. Without that alignment, even the most carefully constructed financial plan is unlikely to succeed for either partner.
FAIR DOES NOT ALWAYS MEAN EQUAL
There is no single correct way to manage money when incomes differ. Some couples split expenses evenly. Others contribute proportionally based on earnings. Some pool all their money, while others maintain separate accounts alongside shared expenses.
What matters is not the structure itself, but whether both partners feel respected, secure, and included. A system that works on paper but leaves one partner feeling dependent, controlled, or excluded is unlikely to be sustainable over time.
WHEN MONEY BECOMES SOMETHING YOU HIDE …
Financial infidelity can mean hidden debt or undisclosed accounts. More often, it shows up in smaller ways: concealing purchases, downplaying spending, or setting money aside“ just in case”.
Forbes has identified financial infidelity as an increasingly recognised issue in relationships, noting that many people hide financial decisions from their partners to avoid conflict or uncomfortable conversations.
In relationships where incomes are unequal, these behaviours can become more common. Lowerearning partners may hide spending due to guilt
30 INBOUND SA / MARCH 2026