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THE DREADED CONVERSATION: 9 Tips for Talking With Your Parent About Senior Living
Have you noticed that your aging parent or loved one is no longer safe to live alone at home? If so, that realization may lead to a conversation about moving to a senior living or personal care community. Starting this conversation can be difficult. Below are nine tips to help make that“ dreaded conversation” easier.
1. Be clear and explain why a move to senior living community is best. Be aware of the warning signs indicating that living alone is no longer safe. And, be prepared for Mom and / or Dad to become defensive or argumentative about their ability to care for themselves.
2. Start the talk early and make it an ongoing discussion. It takes time for people to adjust to the idea of moving, especially to a senior living community. Don’ t wait for a health or safety disaster to happen first— it could then be too late.
3. Frame the talk as an open conversation, where everyone’ s opinions are heard. Be understanding of fears and expect to encounter differences of opinion. If you have siblings, have them be part of the conversation, but make sure they are in agreement with you. The children need to be united before the conversation starts.
4. Approach your parents in private, not in front of other relatives or guests, as they might feel emotionally hurt, embarrassed or argumentative about the topic.
5. Expand their understanding of senior living options and the differing levels of care at each. Explain that there are options where they will not lose their freedom and independence. Do your research. Learn about the different communities in the area, their price ranges and types of care. Have literature, brochures and photos available.
6. Be aware of your language. They are no longer“ old folks’ homes” or“ nursing homes.” Call it a community, not a facility. Talk about the apartment-style living rather than“ rooms.”
7. Acknowledge their fears. Dad may not want to say it, but he probably knows that if he makes a move, it may be his last. Allow this fear and concern to be part of the longer-term discussion.
8. Enlist the aid of other elderly family members and your parents’ friends. They may have already made a move to senior living and could be valuable allies in the process.
9. Most importantly, be prepared to provide emotional support. There will inevitably be fear and even anger over the loss of their home and independence. There will likely be denial of the fact that assistance with daily activities is needed. And, it may be difficult for Mom or Dad to come to the realization that they might not be able to live on their own any longer.
Remain caring, compassionate, and supportive. Enlist the help of your siblings and encourage your parents to be involved with the process. Offer to take your parents to visit communities in their area, and allow them the opportunity to make some decisions about their future. Being prepared for the conversation and their future care needs today may make it easier for everyone tomorrow.
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Juniper Village at Forest Hills Senior Living, Personal Care, Memory Care 107 Fall Run Road, Pittsburgh, PA 15221
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