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Picking a Custody Arrangement that Works
When you ’ re separating or divorcing from your spouse , it ’ s hard to grasp you are still a family and custody has to work for the entire , new version of that family unit . I can speak to this struggle both professionally — and personally . My name is Elisabeth Valarik , but you may also know me by my professional name , Elisabeth Molnar . I have been a family law attorney for over 20 years and am currently a partner at Pollock Begg , western Pennsylvania ’ s largest family law firm .
Before and after my own divorce , and after my beloved new husband took on me and my kiddos , I tackled very complex custody cases ; strategizing , advising and advocating for my client ’ s best interests for their new family structure .
Matters of the Heart Get Messy
I have kids so I get the heartstrings pull harder during divorce proceedings for those precious munchkins than for the money , the car , the house . And this is where it can get downright messy . For those of you who recognize my name , you may even know my two boys , and I am sure you ’ ve seen our family is not perfect either . My ex-husband and I do not have a handbook for sharing our kids , or sharing our friends , family and former family members . My career past gave us some guidance , but to my ex-husband ’ s credit , he trusted me to navigate us through . In many ways , I had to trust him too . And , now we both trust my current husband . However , what do you do if you are in an unfortunate situation where you don ’ t have that mutual trust factor ?
You might not have a plan right away , but chances are , at least one of you has been to see a lawyer first , and at some point in the separation talk , someone blurts out , “ Well , it has to be 50 / 50 .” Does anyone really know what this means for kids ( or even the parents ) when they say it ? What if you work so much that you can ’ t handle 50 / 50 ? What if you have coaching responsibilities in the evening or your hours are nontypical work hours ? If your child is going to be shuffled to sitters or even the other spouse anyway due to other responsibilities , then why fight for the 50 / 50 ?
There is a stigma involved with anything less than 50 / 50 or 60 / 40 custody , but , in reality , kids are ok with less from one parent . They just want to know they are going to be okay , and their parents still
Hire a family law attorney who understands custody ... personally .
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Elisabeth W . Molnar Partner
emolnar @ pollockbegg . com | 412.471.9000
communicate . Some of the best parents I have known have been the ones who work 60-hour work weeks but find a way to show their kids love , stability and how to prepare for the future .
So , what does that mean for your potential separation ? Your children are the roadmap . Think about what your kids do and who does what in the relationship for those kids and create a custody agreement that reflects those needs .
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