INDUSTRY INSIGHT
FUNERAL HOME
SPONSORED CONTENT
The Most Beautiful Tragedy
“ Mom, are you ready to go home on hospice?” She smiled because she fought so hard, but knew her battle was coming to an end. After the last four years of being in and out of the hospital, and three particular hospitalizations this year alone, finally on March 14th, we took mom home for the final time.
Even though I am surrounded by death every day, I still was not prepared for the emotional rollercoaster of watching my own loved one die. In the midst of the emotions, a million decisions had to be made:
• Write an advance directive / living will. Advance directives let you make your wishes for treatment or no treatment be known in advance.
• Figuring out which medications still needed to be administered and which were to be discontinued. The ultimate goal of hospice was to keep her comfortable.
• Which members of the hospice care team we wished to help us and which ones were not a right fit for our family. The hospice team can consist of a case manager, nurse, nurse’ s aid, social worker, and spiritual counselor.
• Making funeral arrangements( this one was easy— we knew to call Perman Funeral Home).
• The challenges of everyday life. Just because mom was dying didn’ t mean others stopped their daily living. Work doesn’ t stop, children still need to be cared for, bills stll need to be paid. Life goes on.
This Industry Insight was written by Jesse McElroy-Torquato, licensed funeral director at Perman Funeral Home and Cremation Services, Inc. Mrs. McElroy-Torquato holds her Certified Preplanning Consultant and Crematory Operations Certified designations. Currently she is the president of the Allegheny County Funeral Directors Association. Inquiries may be made to her at 412.486.3600 or jesse @ permanfuneralhome. com.
Soon came the hard part: watching her transition from a feisty, fierce woman to slowly slipping away before our eyes.
The hospice team had given us a book that described signs and symptoms of decline and approaching death. These include:
• Gradually, she began to appear withdrawn, spending more time sleeping and harder to rouse. This happens when body metabolism changes. The caregivers advised that this is a wonderful opportunity to just sit with her, talk to her, share stories. It is believed that hearing is the last of the five senses to leave, so make the most of the time you have.
• Usually, people in active decline do not feel hungry or thirsty. Just offer, but don’ t force food or medication. Dehydration is nature’ s way of preventing other distressing symptoms such as shortness of breath, abdominal bloating, lung congestion, pressure from tumor pain, and others.
• Urine output will decrease.
• Restlessness may occur as a result of decreased oxygen circulation to the brain or change in the body’ s metabolism. Your loved one may begin to pick at linens, have hallucinations or attempt to get out of bed frequently. We sat next to mom and kept her calm.
• Confusion may occur. Your loved one may“ see” people or things and talk about them, reminisce, or discuss going away.
• Changes in breathing patterns. Breathing can become irregular, often with periods of no breaths. There can be long pauses, then sudden deep breaths in between. Breaths become shallow. To help, elevate the head of the bed and reassure your loved one that you are there.
• When death is imminent, loss of bowel and bladder control may happen. Bed pads and catheters can help with this.
• Arms and legs become cool to touch and become a darker color( bluish or purplish shade). This is mottling— a slowing of blood flow and circulation. You can help with a warm blanket( not electric), to provide some comfort.
After 10 beautiful spring days on hospice, my mom lost her battle with COPD. Even though I did not get as many years with her as I deserved, we made the most of the time we had, especially when she was on hospice. We had every conversation we needed to have, she was surrounded by love, and she died on her terms. Mom, thank you for all of the lessons you taught me, the love you provided me. I love you more than all the stars in the sky.
SHALER AREA ❘ SUMMER 2025 29