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Living Through Grief and the Holidays
Grief is not for the weak! Grief is usually the most challenging time in a person’ s life. Oftentimes the holidays and winter make it harder. It encompasses every part of a person’ s being, the emotional, physical and social. Grief comes in many types, but basically involves the feelings surrounding the loss of something meaningful. We grieve for the loss of a loved one, pet, relationships and many things throughout life. Often grief is overlooked as a cause for life’ s difficulties. Many times people take the attitude of ignoring the loss instead of taking the time to acknowledge that something or someone important is missing from their life. Instead people try to“ just get over it” and move on. Oftentimes this comes around and provides a kind of“ stuck” feeling from which we cannot move on. Usually we tend to blame other things for feeling stuck instead of exploring the hurt that the loss has created.
The type of grief and mourning that we at Sperling Funeral Home help with surrounds the death of someone we love or feel connected to. In particular, it is important to recognize the difference between grief and mourning. Grief and mourning are often associated as the same thing but they are two different set of emotional states that can become dependent on each other. Mourning is the shortterm emotional outpouring immediately surrounding the loss. I like to refer to mourning as more crisis centered. Grief then is the long-term journey of pain and healing surrounding the loss. In my own terms, I help people who are grieving associate their grief in the following terms: Crisis, Fog, Pain and Healing. I have been working with the bereaved for over 20 years and find that most people experience some semblance of these feelings along the journey.
The holiday time and winter can be extremely difficult when you are grieving the loss of someone you love. It is often the
pain of having a first holiday without that person that is so difficult. Instead of hiding from it or pretending to be OK, I have found that talking about memories and bringing up the person is good. Yes tears can be shed but keeping a family member’ s memory alive in your heart and mind helps with healing later down the road. Simple thoughts like lighting a candle or giving a gift to charity in remembrance can help. When we grieve together as a family, and respect each person’ s individual grief, we continue to move toward healing.
It needs to be understood that when we grieve we move in and out of phases. Grief is not a straightforward process; the lines are often blurry. There is also no time frame for grief. For some it takes years, for others it takes months. The key is to acknowledge and give yourself permission to grieve. It is also not a sign of weakness to ask for help. At Sperling Funeral Home we have been running a grief support group for over 30 years. This group is available to any family, even those who did not use our services. The group meets at St. Sebastian Church in Haber Hall the second and fourth Wednesdays of each month from 1-2:30 p. m. We call this program Living Through Grief. We are blessed in Pittsburgh to have other great resources to help those who are grieving.
The Caring Place, a center for grieving children, adolescents and their families. 888.734.4073 www. highmarkcaringplace. com
Anchorpoint Counseling Ministry 412.366.1300 www. anchorpointcounselingministry. org
The Good Grief Center 412.224.4700 www. goodgriefcenter. com
If you have questions about us or our services please feel free to call or email us. You can also learn more about our family and services by visiting
www. sperlingfuneral. com
Sperling Funeral Home, Inc.
700 Blazier Dr.• Wexford, PA 15090
Jarett D. Sperling, Supervisor 724.933.9200
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